21 December 2010

West Mifflin Football Club Official Website Reaches 2,000 Milestone

Congratulations to the Webmaster of WMFC's Official Website on reaching 2,000 hits! For the last three seasons, Robert S. and Blues Reporter have brought you the best, hardest-hitting, all-access coverage of your favorite football team. When Matthew Alan was stripped of his co-captaincy for being a fuck-swatting 'gina-twister, WMFC's official website was the first to bring you the report, as well as coverage of Manager Bob Stinner's press conference. When Reed leaped backwards for a header while emanating the most ridiculous ear-piercing screech of all time, the WMFC official site brought you audio. And when for the first time ever the Blues made the GPSL playoffs, none other than the WMFC official website brought you coverage of the clinching match. So, congratulations once again on this milestone and remember, no one brings you better coverage of the Blues than the West Mifflin Football Club official website!


Note: The creators and writers of this website realize that the reason we are the number one West Mifflin Football Club content-provider on the web is because no one else provides any content. Regardless, we thank all of our readers for all of their support. Please keep reading!

15 August 2010

WMFC sect wins Inaugural West Mifflin Alumni Tournament

Bob Stinner, Jared Pcholinski, Chris Reed, Rob Vargo, Nick Cyr, Tony Volk, Jordan Gasparovic, Andrew Kufen, Steve Gauss and Matthew Alan Baguet took home the first ever West Mifflin Soccer Alumni Tournament Championship. There were goals, injuries, heat, sweat and humidity but the boys put together a strong run of games and made off with their first silverware. I can't remember anything that happened other than Bob Stinner scoring an absolute peach of a goal and Reed being fat. Below are some pictures of the celebration. Congratulations to the White team. 



The silverware


Inaugural Alumni Tournament Champions (Yes, that is Mr Gauss in the background)


Matthew Alan with the trophy


26 July 2010

West Mifflin fall in first ever playoff game, 3-1

West Mifflin 1-3 Indiana County FC

Vargo; Kutscher, Kufen, Pasternak, Bradaric; Baguet, Gauss, Hasson, Reed; Volk, Stinner

Subs: Hruska, Lee, Cyr, Nickel

0-1 Some Guy (27)
2-0 Some Guy That Looked to be Offsides
3-0 Some Guy That was Clearly Offsides
1-3 Matthew Alan


And just like *that* it was all over. Another hard fought season, one filled with unprecedented success came to an end Saturday seemingly as quickly as it started. Ironically, WMFC's 2010 season was ended by the same team that ended their 2009 season. In what was the only other time these two teams have crossed paths, Indiana County blanked the Blues 3-0 on the last day of the season at Borland Park. A year on, West Mifflin improved considerably, finishing with its highest points total in its history and earning its first ever GPSL playoff berth. Unfortunately, the Blues were unable to ride that improvement past the first playoff round.

I don't even feel like recapping this game. It was a miserably hot and humid day in Cranberry and the heat did nothing but compound the disappointment of defeat. It didn't stop some of the Indiana FC players from whining about every minor infraction, however. It makes one wonder what it would have taken to stop that. All of the universes suns converging on Graham Park simultaneously possibly? Probably not. Regardless, Indiana scored its first and only non-controversial goal after some really shoddy defending by West Mifflin. It was a shame because despite not being able to deliver passes properly for most of the game, the Blues had several chances to plod one home. Some Guy gathered the ball just outside the area and slalomed through the WMFC defense. Kutscher challenged but lost the 50/50, allowing said Guy to charge towards Vargo. I'm not sure if it was this goal or the second one but Some Guy curled one of the two nicely into the back corner of the net. West Mifflin regrouped before the restart and was able to hold that scoreline for about 10 minutes when the controversy began. After WMFC was completely unable to clear the ball from their own zone, a through ball was played to Some Other Guy who appeared to me to be at least a step offside. But, of course, the flag remained down and he was through on goal and slid it past Vargo comfortably to make it 2-0. A few minutes later it was halftime.

At halftime, some wise words from an Obi Wan Kenobi-like figure prompted the Blues to change their formation from a traditional 4-4-2 to a 3-5-3, in order to clog up the midfield and allow another striker to roam forward. Had this formation been employed throughout the season, it would have worked miracles. However, since this was the first time it was used, the effect was dampened. The Blues played better because of it but weren't accustomed to the adjustments that came with the new formation. Indiana's third goal had much less to do with WMFC's new formation than it did with the craptastic refereeing. As WMFC pushed to cut the lead in half, most of its players were close to midfield. Some Guy That Was Certainly Offsides stood on WMFC's side of the pitch as a long ball was played to him. Obviously unaware of the rule at that very second, both the side ref and the center ref allowed play to continue even though Some Guy That Was Clearly Offsides was two steps over midfield into WMFC's half. He got the ball, dribbled in, and blasted home to make it 3-0. That ruined any of the momentum and enthusiasm the Blues may have had after the rousing start to the second half they had.

After that, tempers flared, whining ensued and Baguet dropped several comedic nuggets as he is apt to do in times of ineptitude. He was eventually warned for saying 'mine' when pursuing a 50/50 ball. This behavior apparently pissed off the Indiana captain sooo much that he found it necessary to whine mercilessly about it until the ref, who clearly understood that no one else gave two queefs, eventually told Baguet not to do it again. Baguet's response?

I'm just gonna keep doing it anyway.

Very sportsmanlike, indeed.

The other resident hothead, Etan, managed to get kicked out of the playing area for employing the argument tactics of a small child. After another very questionable offside call against the Blues, Etan yelled something at the ref. The ref responded in a stutter: I AM IN LINE WITH THE PLAY. YOUR VIEW IS SKEWED!

Etan's rebuttal: YOU'RE VIEW IS SKEWED!

Then the ref kicked him out. When Etan started to pack up his stuff, the ref nervously laughed and said, 'Dude, you don't have to leave. Just be quiet." Yikes.

Eventually, Matthew Alan pulled one back for the Blues. Nick got in the area and drove towards the end line and sent the ball across the face of goal, right in line to Baguet's foot. He tapped it in and that was that.

Once again, congratulations to West Mifflin Football Club on making the playoffs for the first time. See you all at the alumni game on August 8th and for the Neville Island Indoor Season in October.

20 July 2010

West Mifflin clinches first ever playoff berth with Sweep the Leg draw

Sweep the Leg 3-3 West Mifflin 

Vargo; Kufen, Nickel, Gasparovic, Etan; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Hruska; Volk, Stinner

Substitutions: Lee, Cyr, Lacock

0-1 Some guy (12)
0-2 Some other guy (18)
0-3 Lacock (OG) (31)
1-3 Volk (47)
2-3 Baguet (57)
3-3 Cyr (71)

Pcholinski Yellow Card (75)


After a long, boring, red-light riddled trip up Route 8, an overly barren West Mifflin Football Club kicked off against Championship West leaders Sweep the Leg. With its first choice sweeper, two first choice wingers, and two solid strikers missing and the team only needing to play the game to win enough points for a playoff berth, WMFC weren't expecting an easy go of it. The pitch was tucked away in the middle of Bumfuck, Pennsylvania and had more craters than Stinner's driveway. From the center circle, one could look to the right and see farmland, then look to the left and see, well, more farmland..oh, and a green John Deere tractor holding up traffic. However, the Sweep the Leg pitch did feature one other attribute the Blues are altogether not familiar with...actual, real, living and breathing fans. Scores of them lining the sidelines to cheer on their team. It was a strange sight to say the least and one of the only memorable items from a game that winger Tyler Lacock rightly described as 'nondescript.'

I digress. This was a game of two halves, literally and figuratively. After ten minutes of solid back and forth play, the Blues just switched off entirely. Sweep the Leg dominated thereafter but were very lucky to go up by the margin they did. The first goal came from a botched clearance that careened off of Etan's head as a shot on Vargo's net. Vargo did well to get a hand to it but it bounced right into the path of an ongoing attacker who popped it up into the net. A shitty way to go 1-nil down. Moments later Volk had a shot at equalizing. A long ball found him with his back to the net and a defender on him. He spun and looped a good shot just wide of the post.

A few minutes later, poor defending on a corner allowed Sweep the Leg to double their lead. The towering sweeper with his surfer-dude locks leaped through the air and powered a header over Vargo and into the net. The goal scorers wide-openness was a microcosm of the Blues play in that first half: shoddy, unorganized and just downright poor. They looked like total twats, to be sure and just 13 minutes after the second, the third went in rather unluckily for West Mifflin. A ball was played down the right side, bing-bang-boom, something happened and the ball was crossed in. It ricocheted off of two white jerseys, deflected off of Lacock - sending his head back and to the left. That's right, back and to the left...as the ball skipped passed Vargo and into the net. And so went the first half without as much as a whimper from the Blues the rest of the way.

Little was said in West Mifflin's section of cornfield. Most of the players just leaned on their designated bale of hay and shucked corn. However, just before the second half began, as if to inspire the rest of the squad, Matt Baguet, seemingly out of nowhere, looked at the Sweep the Leg center striker and said:

I'm trying to figure out what I had for lunch...


As the opposition looked at the little bastard, befuddled, he turned around, bent over and farted at them. No one really knew what to do because the act was so completely and utterly retarded. It did seem to spark the Blues, however. There was a very good spell of possession that led to a wonderful cross from someone. Volk found himself wide open in the box and headed home the Blues first with real authority...so much authority that it tore a hole in the net. As the teams lined up for the ensuing kickoff, Baguet was asked to repeat his one man spectacle. He could not from fear of shitting his pants.

It didn't matter though as three minutes before the hour mark, Baguet put in his first of the season. I was grabbing a drink of Apple Cider from Ma and Pa's cider cellar when the play started but when I looked up, Baguet was on the six inch line tapping the ball in. That made it 3-2 and the Blues bench was humming. After a botched substitution, Nickel found himself out on the left for a good 10 minutes. The defender, well-known to fancy a pint or a dozen, held his own for the short stretch.

With about 25 minutes to go, West Mifflin had a good opportunity to finish off an emphatic comeback. Someone was fouled on the edge of the box and, finally, after nearly 70 minutes of indecision and overall cluelessness, the center ref blew his whistle and gave West Mifflin a free kick. Volk and Baguet stood over the ball and discussed what they would do with it. Volk ended up taking the kick and sending a bullet towards goal. The keeper got his hands on it, however, and the chance passed. Volk, despite only having one goal, played very well - striking the post on two occasions. At one point, he found himself in acres of space after a beautifully placed ball from Daveon. He was one on one with the keeper and just couldn't find the proper placement on the ball and sent a SKYBOMB over the net.

Finally, the Blues got their equalizer. Nick took the ball on the left side and glided into the area. He went to shoot and whiffed horrendously. Someone, many believe it to be Gasparovic, yelped 'THAT"S A PENALTY!', but it clearly was not. Seconds after the whiff, Cyr regained possession with his back to the goal. The keeper slid in and took out his legs like a police baton. The ref, probably exhaling in relief because an opportunity to atone for his terrible no-calls for most of the game had presented itself,  flew in and pointed to the spot. Cyr stepped up and plastered the ball into the net to complete the comeback. Overall, a very good job at kicking on and not giving up, especially considering the quality and quantity of players WMFC was missing.

With the result, West Mifflin clinched its first ever GPSL playoff berth. They will play Saturday, July 24th at 12:00p at Graham Park in Cranberry. If they win that game they will play at 6:00p. Should they win that game they will play in the Championship game on Sunday, July 25th at 12:00p.

Congratulations to all members of the 2010 West Mifflin Football Club.

West Mifflin Football Club Seal Playoff Berth



and


11 July 2010

West Mifflin Draws with Wheeling

West Mifflin 0-0 Wheeling

Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Dalibor; Baguet, Hasson, Gauss, Reed; Volk, Cyr...I guess

Substitutions: Kidd, Hruska, lolllllol...I guess

Nothing happened (13)
Nothing happened again (25)
Fans fell asleep (44)
Referees fell asleep (67)
Full time (90)


Someone took a shot at the Wheeling keeper...but he stopped it!

Someone shot at Vargo...but he stopped it!

And then the final whistle blew and West Mifflin boarded the team bus with two points in the bag. 

The Blues play their final game of the regular season next week when they travel to...hmm, well...wherever Sweep the Leg is based. Until next week...

28 June 2010

WMFC win truncated game 3-0

West Mifflin FC 3-0 Wexford FC


Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Etan; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Reed; Volk, Stinner

Subs: Hruska, Renner, Degerolamo, Cyr, Lee, Kidd, Hasson,

1-0 Reed (12)
2-0 Stinner (17)
3-0 Stinner (20)
*game called after about 25 minutes


Welp, nothing to see here. The glorious return of Jonathan Renner from a season off serving our country ended before it got started. A sprint down the right was all he managed to get in before the match prematurely came to an end. Wexford arrived at Borland Park with only seven players and the outcome was nothing short of what you would expect. West Mifflin FC, hardened by years of down-four-player ass kickings, trotted all eleven starters onto the pitch. Despite the win, WMFC may reconsider having a practice or two before the end of the season. It's not worth recounting the entire match, but let's just say the score should have been significantly more lopsided than 3-0. Too many sitters were pushed high, wide, and not at all handsome, for management to not be concerned.

For the record, Reed had a very nice diving header that found its way between the keeper and the post. Stinner finished the scoring with two easy tap ins to bring his goal total to four on the season, all of them coming in the last two games. Other than that there is little to talk about...other than Vargo taking off his gloves mid-play and Drew sending a SKYBOMB over the netting and into the vast forest surrounding the environmentally friendly Borland Park.

So, West Mifflin continue their good run into the Fourth of July break. They go into the holiday week atop the GPSL South Division table with three more games played than Sporting Club of Pittsburgh. That said, they could be bumped down by the time they play next. The Blues next game is July 11th against Wheeling FC.

Stay tuned for a special WMFC Report this weekend...maybe.

21 June 2010

West Mifflin continues good form with victory on back of Stinner's brace (tee hee, back of brace...GET IT?)

West Mifflin FC 4-1 Wolfpack

Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Dalibor; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Reed; Volk, Stinner

Subs: Hruska, Lee, Degerolamo, Lacock, Nickel, Pasternak

1-0 Lee (27)
1-1 Some guy (39)
2-1 Stinner (54)
3-1 lolllllol (62)
4-1 Stinner (74)
* all times are made up

Some guy - Yellow Card (34)


Sometimes a player puts in a performance that is so skillful, so unbelievable, so...master class that it is damn near indescribable. The graceful display of marksmanship executed by none other than Bob Stinner this past weekend at Borland Park was one of those performances. If WMFC's Wikipedia page were still up it would most assuredly already have several paragraphs describing the performance.

Let us start at the beginning, though.

It was hot and humid at the arid Borland Park - the craters were particularly roaring and the grass was approaching half a foot in height. The game kicked off a little late due to a venue discrepancy but that didn't stop West Mifflin from putting the pressure on early. About five minutes in, Baguet played a lovely ball over the defense and into the path of Stinner who chased it towards the corner. His first touch was a low cross from his left foot. The cross was right in the middle of the box but no blue shirts were there to get a foot on it. West Mifflin enjoyed most of the ball in the opening half, knocking it around well and possessing it with aplomb. When they did lose the ball it seemed as though one of either Gauss or Bradaric was there to reclaim it.

Now, Gauss is known around the GPSL as having some of the best ball control skills in the league. However, it was when Gauss had received the ball on the right side when the entire park was shaken to its core. Everyone heard it. It was chilling. Small children in the crowd began to cry; dogs began to bark ravenously; fans went running to their cars; and Gauss temporarily lost control of the ball.

This is what the capacity crowd heard and after the recent spate of Sandpeople attacks in the area there was some concern. In actuality, it was Chris Reed shrieking for a cross:

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSS


What happened next is nothing short of hysterical. Gauss, who must have injected steroids into his right foot earlier in the day because all of his passes were hit six light-years too far, sent a cross over the area towards the touchline. Reed stammered backwards, trying desperately to get a head on it to send it back across the box. In his effort, the bulky winger dove backwards. Now, let me paint this picture for you: this man who is every ounce of 200 lbs, dove fucking backwards to try and head a ball somewhere near the goal. It was amazing. That giant lummox in the air and parallel with the sandpaper pitch was a sight to see. Eventually, he landed on his backside with a thud just before his head slammed into the ground. A shower of laughter ensued followed by a tremor that sent Manhattan cascading into mainland New York and central and southern Florida tearing from the panhandle. Oh yeah, the ball went right on out of play for a goal kick.

Around the 20th minute, Baguet sprung through the middle of the park with Degerolamo and Stinner on his flanks. He let fly a shot that challenged the keeper well, but a quick reaction sent the ball toward the touchline. Degerolamo tracked it down and found himself at a tight angle with Baguet and Stinner as wide open as Lake Winnibigoshish (Google it) in the middle. Instead of feeding one of them for the easy goal, he had to try to be an opportunistic snake (like he is in CoD) and shoot. The goalie had no trouble saving the feeble shot.

Seven minutes later, the Blues took the lead on Lee's second of the season. Baguet had the ball near the top of the area and had a triangle with Lee and Stinner. Stinner had been calling for the ball but I guess Matthew Alan thinks he's too good to pass him the ball. Finally, Stinner snapped "Come on!". Baguet gave a shitty and disgusted look and gave him the ball. Stinner gave it right back to Baguet who I think passed it up to Lee who dribbled around two defenders and unleashed the most unapologetic toe-ball of all time. The keeper didn't know what the hell to do as the ball rifled past him on the ground and into the net.

Twelve minutes later, Wolfpack equalized. Something, something, something...they got down the left side, crossed it in...Vargo had no chance annnnd...1-1. Also, Volk unleashed a skybomb over the fence and that was pretty much that for the first half.

For a team that has been criticized by the imaginary media as being a first half team only, the Blues came out with some serious panache in the second half; threatening the Wolfpack goal from the start. The half began with a perfect tap by Stinner and kept rolling from there. Volk smashed a header just wide on a day when nothing would fall for him. Gauss rocketed several shots towards goal and had two headers sail sharply around the posts. At one point, Stinner found himself on the right side all alone while the ball was on the opposite side of the pitch. He shouted for it as Bradaric juked a defender. He looked up and sent a perfect pass to Stinner's foot. Stinner controlled the ball as Volk cut across his defender. Stinner played him in with the outside of his right foot. Volk controlled and only had half a step of space to put a shot on and sent it wide. My explanation does not give the workings of that play justice. It was nice.

On 54 minutes, the deadlock was broken. How this goal was scored can be described in no other way than miraculous. To begin, Chris reed juked (an action that flies in the face of his girth) around a defender and spotted Stinner making an unabated run into the area. The ball soared so high into the air that its trajectory resembled the Arch of St. Louis. Stinner timed his jump perfectly and got his head (!) on the ball and sent it back across the keeper and into the side netting. The park was stunned. Stinner wheeled away in celebration but the only thing he could utter was 'Oh my God." There were cheers from on and off the pitch but they all carried an inquisitive tone because no one in the park thought Stinner knew it was legal to head the ball. Said Pcholinski:

When we have our one practice a year the dude doesn't head the ball. He'd rather jump up and flick his foot behind him and try to kick it than head it. I don't understand it.


The defeated Wolfpack defender muttered:

I watched the lanky shit warm up and every time a cross was sent in towards him the fucker would catch the ball and throw it back to the guy taking the kick! Bollocks!


The shock of the goal and how it came about was so great that Matthew Alan suffered a small stroke. He took himself off afterward and went to the locker room with the physio. We hope it isn't anything serious and that he’s good to go next week.

Like I mentioned at the start: indescribably magical. Even legends need to be subbed off every once in a while, so Stinner came off and Degerolamo went on. He would be the next to strike. Lacock, who had a solid game on the right side of midfield, barreled down the sideline, and after several challenges sent in a shot which the goalie parried right into the path of Degerolamo who netted his second of the 2010 campaign. This may or may not have been how this goal happened. I wasn't paying any attention when it went in. That made it 3-1.

Even though the Blues had surfeit more chances, they would only manage one more goal. A ball was played by a midfielder (Gauss? Pcholinski?) and found Stinner in stride and in alone on the keeper. Hruska and Lee were on his flank. Most of the Wolfpack defenders gave up on the play, thinking it was offside and no one knows what the hell the keeper was doing. He moved to the opposite side from which Stinner was attacking, raised his hands in the air and did a little jig dance. So dumbfounded was Stinner that instead of trying to send a pass across to Hruska or Lee and inevitably fucking everything up, he sent a side footed shot into the right corner, nearly clanging it off the post. He did well though and collected his brace.

So, a particularly boring match for the defense and Vargo. It's a shame that Vargo didn't get a clean sheet but the defense was stellar yet again. The team as a whole is playing very well. The victory on Sunday shot WMFC back to first place in the GPSL South with 19 points, albeit with two more games played than second place Sporting Club of Pittsburgh with 16 points.

Next week West Mifflin takes on Wexford FC at Borland Park at 12:00p. Hope to see you there!

14 June 2010

West Mifflin wins hard-fought affair, 1-0

West Mifflin FC 1-0 Pittmandu FC

Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Pasternak, Kufen; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Hasson; Volk, Stinner

Subs: Lacock, Hruska, Lee, Cyr

1-0 Volk (60)

Pasternak - Yellow card (71)


As of late, WMFC has come under scrutiny that they’re unable to win close games. Strange criticism from the media considering the Blues have not been involved in any close games...stranger still because there is no media coverage of GPSL teams. If there was media coverage the papers would have had a field day with this one. Chance after chance went begging either wide right, wide left, or over the bar. It was also the first game in which Stinner and Matthew Alan were on the pitch at the same time after the public dispute between the two regarding Baguet's drunken absence from the Blues only loss so far this season. It was a little edgy at first as Baguet had been guzzling hick-jizz the night before and had stains on his jersey and trunks to prove it.

There was also some worry about numbers as the Blues were without Reed in the midfield, Nickel and Dalibor at the back, and lolllllol in attack…that’s pretty wack and Daveon is black. Give me a record deal now. On a side note, Degerolamo recently got engaged. Coincidentally, he went to Jared (Pcholinski) for the ring...it was a GRENADA pin. West Mifflin were expecting to have only 13 players but a few players passed last minute fitness tests and were able to play. Trevor Kidd was a different story, however - he just decided to not show up.

The first half was largely uneventful thanks, in part, to several poor refereeing decisions. The most egregious was on Stinner. Hasson made a run down the right side and Stinner instinctively made his way down the left, looking for the cross. It was clear as day that Hasson was out in front with the ball. On the other side of the field, Stinner was behind the last defender but still behind Hasson who looked for the cross. Hasson sent the ball in and by this point, several defenders had recovered. The ball bounced in front of the defender and found its way to Stinner who controlled masterfully. Just as he was lining up to put a shot on goal, the whistle went for...offsides!? It was a god awful decision but one GPSL players have come to expect. The only other real chance for West Mifflin came from a corner. After the ball bounced around the box for eight or so years, it landed, according to Kufen, six inches from the goal line. Legs flailed, arms swung around, goalies queefed. Despite all of that motion and force, none of them were able to put the ball into the net.

Later in the first half, a sign of things to cunt come, if you will. Stinner, recently subbed back on was readying himself in the box for what had to have been West Mifflin's sixth corner of the half. He turned to position himself for a rebound and was body checked by Pittmandu's lummox of a sweeper. Stinner turned and gave a quizzical look and asked, kindly 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' The ogre grunted, "you just did the same to me a second ago." To which Stinner replied, 'from the bench?' Frustration? Possibly. The objective observer would probably say that the guy was a cunt. This sort of frustration, eh no...cuntiness? eh, no not quite it either...cuntsration, yes, cuntstration seems a good word, carried over into the second half.

Halftime gave the boys a lift and they came out charged for the second half. They had several breaks in the first ten minutes resulting in several good chances. Finally, after yet another West Mifflin break down the right side, the Blues finally broke the deadlock. I don't remember how it got there exactly but Volk ran onto the ball after some ping-ponging in the box and shouldered it into the net. It wasn't pretty but it gave the Blues (ironically wearing white) the lead. After that the floodgate of chances was opened. Baguet, Lee, Volk, Gauss, Cyr, Pcholinski and Stinner ALL had chances in the second half. Stinner, Kutscher and Cyr played some nice triangle stuff along the touchline. Stinner knocked it to Kutscher who plopped it over for Cyr who played it to Stinner who chipped it back to Cyr...or something like that but there was good play like that throughout the second half.

Volk received a pass from Gasparovic (who's head seemed to still be on that backwards K in his last softball at bat throughout the game) between midfield and the 18 yard box. He had Stinner to his left and nothing but open field to his right. He turned and lasered a beautiful pass to Baguet on the right side who also had Daveon alongside him. Baguet hiccuped a semen bubble and missed the net. Another chance wasted. Daveon had two marvelous chances; one he tried to slide past the keeper nearside but it went wide and into the side panel for a goal kick and another in which a perfect cross was sent right to his head, perfectly placed only to see him pike it over the fence, down the hill and into Duquesne. There was debate about calling the miss a skybomb but the stat keepers relented and gave Lee a break. Personally, I wouldn't have.
That did it for the footballing side of things. I don't feel like rehashing the other team's chances. The only other item worth mentioning was Etan's yellow card. I wasn't able to see exactly what happened but it looked to me like Etan and the defender went for the ball, the ball wasn't there anymore, and Etan's studs went into the other player. I had a bad view of it so I will take closer observers’ word that it was a worthy yellow card. Etan accepted it and jogged back into position for the ensuing free kick. The player was fine and everyone was ready to continue to play. Suddenly, the cries began like alley cats whining for food. Every little nip or grazing was reason for the opposition to complain. It was ridiculous. Then, one of them executed the most horrendous dive I have ever seen. Cyr went into a challenge with his usual gusto. He got the ball and his shoulder got into the player. It was your typical football challenge. The turd was a foot taller than Cyr. He took the impact, noticed that he lost possession and then flailed his arms into the air, his feet curled up as he jumped into the air and stuck his chest out and flopped onto the ground, all while yelping "ahhh!". A free kick was given to Eva Peron for her performance. What made this all the worse is later on, Kutscher, who at times can be wild but by no means malicious, went into claim a 50/50 ball and clattered into another player. The ball was out of play and the forward was okay but Kutscher was down and shaken up. Some smart ass muttered 'you should be hurt after that'. What kind of a douche says something like that? I know what kind. A douche that is not good and not winning. With that, I end my match report.

West Mifflin moved back into first in the league table, albeit with two more games played than Sporting Club of Pittsburgh who hasn't lost yet and is currently in 3rd. West Mifflin's next game is Sunday at 2:00p at Borland against Wolfpack. See you then.

09 June 2010

West Mifflin earn draw in top of the table clash

Century V White 1-1 West Mifflin

Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Bradaric; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Someone; Volk, Nick

Subs: Everyone else that was there


1-0 Gauss (At some point during the game)
1-1 Turd (At some other point in the game)



Baguet sent a cross in from a corner and Gauss-man headed it in! Then, a little bit later, Century V put in the equalizer on a free kick.

West Mifflin's next match is this Sunday at home against Pittmandu FC at 10:00a.

See you all then!

28 May 2010

Chris Reed named new co-captain



Manager Bob Stinner (not Managing Director/Owner Bob Stinner that made the revocation of captaincy announcement via press conference last weekend) announced that Chris Reed has been named the new co-captain of West Mifflin Football Club, via memo to the media. The 15 year veteran has been with the team since its inception in 1995, so his appointment came as no surprise. It also shows that he has regained the trust of the manager after the falling out between the two in pre-season, when Reed was a total cunt and didn't go with the manager to a league meeting in Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania. A transcript of the memo can be found below.

West Mifflin Football Club is proud to announce the appointment of Chris Reed as co-captain of our club. He will join Jared Pcholinski as the other co-captain. Chris has been around a long time and works hard. Mostly because he has to because he's a load. He gets stuck in and doesn't take it from anybody. I think he'll do very well with the arm band. The Club and I both extend our congratulations to Chris.

24 May 2010

Matthew Alan stripped of co-captaincy

Stinner: "It's sad but it had to be done..."



It is official. Matthew Alan Baguet has been stripped of his co-captaincy of West Mifflin Football Club for not showing up on Sunday. Managing Director, Bob Stinner announced the decision today at a brief press conference:





Players were shocked to find that the little douche wasn't coming to the game this past Sunday. Said one player:

It's hurtful that our captain would shun us to play golf on a shitty golf course. For Chrissake, Burgs, it wasn't fucking TPC Sawgrass.


Another had this to say:

Hopefully he'll stop acting like a douche, realize that golfing is gay and he'll never be any good at it, and just play. We could have used him this weekend. How dare he ask the manager if we 'were good on numbers.' You're a fucking captain you shitbag! Fuck!


Finally:

That douche better know Civics 9 inside and out after that stunt, the fucking cockgobbler.


The Blues may be floating towards troubled waters. Let's hope they are able to steady the ship.

23 May 2010

WMFC suffer 3-0 setback at Schenley Park

Sporting Club of Pittsburgh 3-0 West Mifflin FC

DeLuca; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Bradaric; Hasson, Gauss, Pcholinski, Stinner; Cyr, Volk

Subs: Reed, Nickel, Daveon, Lacock, Pasternak, Kidd, NOT Baguet

0-1 Some turd (14)
0-2 Some other turd (26)
0-3 A third turd (44)


After two big wins to start the season, WMFC suffered their first loss of 2010, falling 0-3 to Sporting Club of Pittsburgh Sunday at Schenley Park. The result was a strange contrast to seasons past as the oval has been kind to the Blues, who have won there twice with two 5-4 scorelines. It also seems that more is wrong at the club than the small setback at the weekend, as Matthew Alan, a player that is revered by fans and well-respected by teammates was reportedly stripped of his co-captaincy. Manager Bob Stinner did not name a new co-captain before the match at the weekend, so the Blues went to work with center-mid Jared Pcholinski serving as the lone captain. More news on this development as the WMFC Supporters Trust gets it.

This game will certainly be looked back on by WMFC with frustration. The Blues, for the most part, possessed the ball well and looked like they had several opportunities to at least put a shot on net in the first half. However, a heavy touch here, a crooked bounce there and West Mifflin were unable to capitalize. Daveon made yet another wonder run into the box, weaving in and out of several defenders, only to have one of the four goons that never left the the line of the 18 boot it away. Gauss and Pcholinski fired a few from far out in attempts to test the goalkeeper (who wore the gayest goalie shirt of all time, by the way...an orange and black monstrosity), but both struck wide or high. Cyr got deep a few times but was unable to challenge the keeper. Stinner and Volk combined on a nice give and go which had Volk pop a nice ball over a defender and into Stinner's path. He chested the ball down and took it around one defender...and straight into the wheelhouse of one of the goons. He swung his foot through to try to put it on goal just as the defender swung his foot through to boot it out. Stinner got the ball but it ricocheted off the defenders shin and out to another Sporting player. The defender got Stinner's toe. Temporarily maimed by the blow, Stinner couldn't get back to defend. Some turd eventually took the ball around the defense and slid the ball into the net making it 0-1. Stinner subbed himself off.

Later, Stinner had another chance after yet another beautiful cross from Hasson on the left. But, instead of trying to rip it with his left, he side-kicked it with his right foot and a little dinky-doodle rolled into the keepers orange-clad arms.

In a loss, especially one in which the Blues have been blanked, when and how things happened are a complete blur. I don't care about the other team's players because they are typically right and proper twat munchers. That said, I can do little to describe how the second craptacular goal of theirs started. Somewhere along the way the opposition broke down the left. DeLuca looked like he had the angle covered. Everyone in the ground was expecting the striker to put a decent foot into it, you know, really give it a knock on goal. He didn't. The shot was the equivalent of a toy poodle queef. Unfortunately, it fooled everyone...including DeLuca. The ball rolled slower than a geriatric rolling down the aisle at Shop N' Save on Sunday morning, right under the keeper and into the net.

Despite that, West Mifflin looked poised to cut the lead in half just before the break after some more good play from the mids and forwards. The ball fell to Stinner who lined it up and struck a ball towards goal. The games first controversy ensued. The ball struck the hand of a Sporting defender who was clearly in the box. The ref explained to a dissenting Sporting player that it would have been a shot on goal had it not been blocked. Stinner had this to say regarding that:


A crack dealer's penis has a better chance of not getting sucked by Lindsay Lohan than that ball had of being on net


Crack and felatio or no crack and felatio, the ref blew the whistle but pointed just outside the area for a free kick. Why was a free kick given and not a penalty? Perhaps it was leniency on the part of the ref but if you're going to be lenient don't make the call. The handball was inadvertent as the player's hand was at his side. It's either a no call or a penalty. Regardless, Pcholinski and Gauss lined up for the kick. Pcholinski took it and struck it well, but into the wall. In his defense, it is quite difficult to bend one in from that distance so blasting it hard and low is really the only option. However, he should really put down the X-Box controller and practice those things sometime for fucksake. There was another half chance in the aftermath of the free kick, but Sporting got the ball and took it on the counter. Despite being cunts, this is one area the opposition excelled in. All three goals came on the counter. The ball was played into the left corner yet again. This time Stinner (after some magical healing spray from the physio) was charging hard back to his area. He tried calling out to the defense to get the guy at the top of the area. But with three whtie shirts there it was difficult to match up that quickly. The ball was rolled across the box past three West Mifflin defenders, dummied by a second turd and finally finished by a third turd into the top corner. Kufen did his best to keep it out as the ball skimmed the top of his head, but it wasn't enough. So, there it was. Halftime and the boys were down three-nil.

There really shouldn't be much to report on the second half, however, the side ref made it impossible to not discuss it. Two blatantly incorrect offside calls canceled out a goal and denied a second goal scoring opportunity. The first came on a corner, I believe. Cyr and Reed did some one-two work allllll the way up by the corner flag. Stinner waited patiently in the box, approximately between the penalty spot and the top of the 18. A perfect cross was sent in from either Cyr or Reed. What happened next is more rare than Chris Reed refusing food or Pcholinski not camping in Call of Duty. Robert Stinner put his head to the ball and sent it perfectly into the net for what had to have been the Blues' first. But no. The side ref had the flag raised for offside but there was no chance it was off. Reed and Cyr were standing right next to each other so neither of them could have been off. Stinner was staring at two Sporting defenders further up the pitch than he, so he certainly couldn't have been off. That leaves only one explanation: the ref sucked.

Towards the end of the half, someone played a perfect through ball to Stinner as he found himself one-on-one with the keeper with Lacock to his left. But, once again, another horrendous offside flag by the side ref called the play back.


And that was about that. The boys played well but it just wasn't their day. No one really had an excellent game but if a choice had to be made I would say Reed was Man of the Match. It is a long season and there is still plenty of football to be played. The boys will look to rebound from this setback next Sunday at 10a at Borland. See you there.

17 May 2010

West Mifflin grab 4-1 victory in Oakdale

Red Dragons 1-4 West Mifflin FC

Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Pasternak, Kufen; Hasson, Pcholinski, Gauss, Stinner; Volk, lolllllol

Subs: Nickel, Reed, Daveon, Kidd, Cyr, Hruska


1-0 Volk (16)
2-0 Daveon (20)
3-0 lolllllol (24)
4-0 Volk (36)
4-1 Some guy (56)


Another inspiring first half from the Blues helped them to their second win of the young season. Four first half goals allowed West Mifflin their first ever 2-0 start. After a delay of 40 minutes waiting for the referees to show up the game kicked off to massive applause from the two Blues fans in the cavernous McKinley Park stands. The first few minutes were fairly back and forth with each team exchanging a few chances. While Red Dragons looked more threatening, it was West Mifflin that had the better opportunities. An early cross from someone found the head of Volk. His header was strong but the keeper got a hand to it and put it over the bar.

The opposition had many what appeared to be half chances, where a white shirt would get played in on goal, but a WMFC defender would find a way to the ball and get a foot in and block the shot. It needs to be said again this week that the defense is playing very well. Kutscher and Gasparovic always seem to employ that perfect last ditch tackle. Vargo, who will miss another game next week because he will be vacationing with his family in Fargo, North Dakota to visit the Erector Set Hall of Fame, certainly appreciates the work done in front of him so far this season...which has been one game. He said:

I certainly appreciate the work that has been done in front of me this season.


Just when it appeared that the game was destined to be a close affair, the Blues' go to guy came through again. After some perfectly timed strategy employed by Manager Bob Stinner saw two or three substitutions, Volk put home a beauty. Daveon took the ball on the right side of the center circle and dribbled through 90 people. He eventually laid it off for Gauss who pulled it back and laid it on for Volk. Volk took a dribble or two and sent the ball in a curvy-dipping motion to the side of the net. Most at the ground thought it was over the bar, including most of the WMFC bench...and the Red Dragon keeper. So, when the ball dipped perfectly into the net to make it 1-0 to the good, there was fair amount of surprise in the cheer that went up from the rest of the squad. Either way, that made it 1-0 to West Mifflin.

Minutes later, Daveon doubled the lead with some more fancy footwork. I am at a loss as to where he was when he received the ball, but I believe he took it through several more defenders and hit a nice low, hard shot into the left side of the net. The keeper was left naked at the back and there was little he could do. Regardless, Daveon netted his first of the season in fine fashion. Only moments after that, Anthony Degeramalamadingdong, aKa, lolllllol, aKa LOL Kid, executed a variation of the flick, spin and chase move that he became renowned for trying and failing miserably at two seasons ago. Someone sent a ball from midfield towards Degerolamo who had his back to the defender that was between him and the goal. When the ball bounced in front of him, he dummied it, letting it roll right past him. He spun around the defender and caught up to it and was in one-on-one with the keeper. He took a few dribbles and slid it nicely past to make it 3-0. Finally, a little less than 10 minutes from the halftime whistle, Volk secured his brace and WMFC's fourth of the day. A ball was shot-crossed in by lolllllol and slipped through the crowd of players across the face of goal. Volk's predatory instinct had him in the right place as he trotted to the ball to meet it with his foot. The result: 4-0, good guys. Volk now has four goals through two games and later on in the game, added a SKYBOMB to his stat sheet. Also, in the first half, Reed fell down and tried the old, I've-fallen-down-and-instead-of-letting-the-ball-go-past-I'm-going-to-slide-in-and-grab-it-so-the-play-can-stop, play. But, when his beefy hand missed the ball the first time, rather than just letting it go, he took another swipe. He got it this time. He was whistled for excessive Beef Hands.

That did it for WMFC's offense, however, and Red Dragons managed to pull one back ten minutes or so into the second half, thanks to Drew who had to mention that the Blues hadn't conceded yet...alas! No one really cares about how they scored, so: a ball was played in, some dude kicked it and it deflected into the net. Other than that, Vargo had a stellar game, once deflecting a powerful blast onto and over the bar. He had little to worry about overall but had even less to worry about regarding the oppositions #10. Reason being, #10 fell to the ground easier than one of those whirly-copter things that fall off of trees. Stinner recalls:
I farted accidentally whilst tussling for the ball and the bloke just bloody dropped to the ground, shouting as if he had been struck by the blast of a blunderbuss! I nicknamed him Cunty McTwat for the rest of the game.


Later on in the half, after Stinner had been subbed off to bask in the glory of his genius decision to have a roster of 20 players as the other team was down to 10 men and the Blues had six subs, and then subbed back on again, he was witness to the most obvious offside call in the history. lolllllol received a beautiful cross from someone on the right side, he controlled and passed the ball forward to Pcholinski, who was literally, five yards ahead of the play. The flag went up and Pcholinski began yelping his innocence, forcing Degerolamo and Stinner to laugh hysterically because they both knew he was off by a million miles. They both told Pcholinski that he's gaarbaaaaggggggggge.

That was about that; another solid defensive performance. A few players need to be mentioned for their good work. Gauss and Hasson have done a remarkable job in midfield. They both are very controlled with the ball and you can see the rest of the team is comfortable when they have the ball. Them, combined with Baguet and Pcholinski make for a formidable midfielding force. In addition, Reed and Drew have an uncanny ability to dispossess opposition. Other teams almost always bitch about one or the other, oftentimes both, but for the most part, their play is hard and clean and needs to be commended.

So, WMFC starts off the season 2-0. Let's hope they can continue their good form next Sunday at 6:30p at Schenley Oval. See you there.

02 May 2010

Blues start season off with sound 3-0 victory

West Mifflin FC 3-0 Heidelberg

DeLuca; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Bradaric; Reed, Pcholinski, Gauss, Baguet; Volk, Stinner

Bench: Nickel, Pasternak, Hasson, Kidd

Volk 18' 1-0
Volk 34' 2-0
Reed 80' 3-0


West Mifflin Football Club started their season off on the right foot with an impressive win over South division rivals, Heidelberg. It was an overcast and rainy morning at Titan stadium and while WMFC would have preferred sunshine, they will not be unhappy with the result; especially against a team that handled them at home 4-0 just two seasons ago. Everything was good for the Blues on this day though as they prepared to open the season at home for the third time in as many seasons. Everything that is, except for Trevor Kidd, who wore a baseball hat and a poncho during warm ups. If anyone has an explanation for this, other than it being really gay, I'd love to hear it.

The Blues were also playing their first game in their new 3,000-seater stadium on the campus of West Mifflin High School. In keeping with the blast from the past theme, Kufen and Kidd (despite warming up like a batty-boy) made their anticipated returns and put in good outings. With Heidelberg playing down a man, West Mifflin had the lion's share of possession throughout most of the first half. Any time Heidelberg looked like they were developing something, one of the Blues' industrious midfielders or defensemen got stuck in and regained the ball. With Vargo out at a science fair and second choice keeper Chad Perry out on coaching duties, WMFC regulars wanted to let backup keeper Jon DeLuca have a nice, quiet game. They did just that. DeLuca was hardly challenged on the day but did well when called on.

Stinner started the assault on the Heidelberg goal with a cross-shot. You know these things. It's a cross but since it's so poorly struck it soars toward the goal instead and just with a bit of luck it's actually on goal and the keeper has to make a save. And then, of course, whoever hits the cross-shot claims that he intended to do whatever outcome makes him look best. Anyway, this particular cross-shot led to WMFC's first corner and their first scoring opportunity. On the corner, several Blue shirts had a shot at opening up the season scoring, Volk in particular. The corner came in and Heidelberg didn't deal with it effectively. The ball bounced around the area and after one WMFC player put a foot into it, it was deflected and popped into the air. Volk had a glorious chance with a header but it was blocked and came back to him. He tried to head it back across the other side of goal but instead it went straight at the keeper.

A few minutes later, however, Volk opened the scoring. West Mifflin broke down the left side, something they did very well all day. Volk, Stinner, and Gauss all broke as Baguet(I think) wound up to send in the cross. When the cross came in, Volk got to it and put his left foot through it and into the back of the net. Or something like that happened. About a quarter of an hour later Volk doubled his tally and WMFC's lead. After some good work by West Mifflin down the sideline, Hasson found himself in the clear for a cross. Thankfully, Hasson actually plays soccer on a daily basis and his cross didn't suck tremendous ass. The cross was well placed and Volk met it head on (pun intended) and put it into the side netting beautifully.

It would appear that the training sessions WMFC had put themselves through the two weeks before the season have paid off. Corners, crossing, and possession passing were the three areas most worked on and it was these areas the team excelled in. The Blues would gain possession, knock it around the park nicely, play it down the sidelines, and then play a cross in. A lot of the play was lovely stuff and indicative of the type of play this team is capable of.

So, the first half came to an end with the Blues up 2-0. The locker room, which was really the least leaky section under the Titan stadium bleachers, knew that 2-0 was good, but the team was far from satisfied.

The second half brought more of the same as the first half. It eventually deteriorated into a typical GPSL game where one team is down a man or two. West Mifflin had chance after chance with an occasional counter by Heidelberg. This is where the defense needs to be praised. They were very good. The back four may be the best WMFC has ever had. Kufen, Gasparovic, and Kutscher were hard-nosed and relentless in challenging the Heidelberg forwards. Dalibor was outstanding as well as stopper, sneakily slipping in and taking the ball away at crucial moments and then finding a midfielder to move it along to. Sure, the opposition were down to ten men, but the defense looked really good. Even the forwards got in on defending well. Stinner tracked back to pick off an unaware Heidelberg attacker from behind. He gave it right back but that's not the point. Stinner also dove in and blocked a cross as well.

Despite the good defensive play, Kutscher did manage a howler. Now, it needs to be noted that just a few days earlier, Wednesday actually, during a four-on-four drill, Kutscher challenged Stinner to take a 'free-kick', a penalty of sorts, that was nothing more than placing a pass through the two cones making up the goal. Kutscher made some kind of comment like, "yeah, let Stinner take it...I know he'll miss." So, Stinner lined up to take the shot on the rock-ladled and crater-filled Borland pitch...whether or not he missed it or made it is beside the point really because on Sunday, Kutscher found himself alone in front of goal, with a keeper that, according to another Heidelberg player had never played soccer until that day. Kutscher wound up as the ball smoothly ran along the flawless Titan stadium turf and unleashed a Matthew Alan Baguet-like skybomb over not just the net, but the field goal posts as well. Heidelberg breathed a sigh of relief. I immediately remembered the training session...

There were two more clear chances that WMFC were not able to convert. This doesn't even include Trevor Kidd receiving the ball with no one in front of him and instead of running at the defender, turning and looking for someone to pass the ball off. First, I don't remember who it was but the ball was pretty much on the six and someone managed to boot the shot wide. Volk had a shot at the hat trick as well, diving for a volley that I believe went right at the keeper. However, these misses pale in comparison to the absolute shittiness of Reed's free kick. A free kick was given to WMFC about 25 yards out. Volk, Reed, and Pcholinski were lined up over the ball. I looked down at my journalist notebook for a second and when I looked up, I saw Reed quickly run to hit the shot. He hit it and we had our second skybomb of the game. The ball soared over the net and another goal scoring chance went begging.

Finally, WMFC got their third to kill the game off in the 80th minute. All it took was some masterful work by Bob Stinner. Having received the ball from Hasson or Baguet (I was in such awe of how well Stinner received the pass, I can't even remember who passed it to him), Stinner turned towards goal. There was a defender coming to him as Reed broke towards the net. As if he did the physics in his head, and it is entirely possible that he did, he played a through ball with the perfect weight to Reed who was looking to make up for his orbit shot that almost knocked out a military satellite earlier in the game. He eventually got to it and hit the slowest rolling shot in the history of soccer. Seriously, I saw a turtle running down the sidelines quicker than the shot. Regardless, it rolled past the keeper and into the side-netting, 3-0 WMFC. So, Reed gets his first goal to go with his first skybomb, with an assist from Stinner.

So, WMFC starts the season off with a win. The only thing that could have been a bit better was the fan turn out. Where were all the Blue-clad supporters that used to fill the Borland Park stands? As far as I could tell, WMFC had two supporters there. Mr and Mrs Volk. Now, I love a Mr and Mrs Volk sighting as much as the next guy, even if Mr Volk didn't recognize me at Danzey's going away party, but where are the throngs of supporters? Did they get lost on the way to the new venue? Perhaps they forgot the team has a new home. Whatever the reason, I hope they get it sorted out for the Route 51 derby against Elizabeth Forward next Sunday. Hope to see you there.

19 February 2010

Revamped WMFC ready for 2010 season...

West Mifflin Football Club has been revitalized as it prepares for the first season of the new decade. As always, Managing Director, Bob Stinner was busy this close-season looking for new talent to don the vaunted blue and whites this summer. After a Real Madrid-like spending spree WMFC fans have a lot to be excited about. Several stars make their return to the Blues for this campaign including midfielders Matthew Alan (a fan favorite) and Steve Gauss, two pivotal players in attack. In addition, defenders Andrew Kufen (minus his thick, lush beard), and Jon Renner bring solidarity to the back four. These two anchors should bring stability to a defense that will be missing it's leader, Corey Danzey, who has left for the Navy (everyone here at WMFC wish Mr Danzey the best of luck.) Kufen will almost definitely slide right into Danzey's old spot at sweeper - I hope he knows that - and Renner will hopefully bring his girlfriend to provide opponent-distracting eye-candy - Lord knows he probably won't bring much else other than a card...or seven. Tee hee! He will join old-new-comer Steve Chavern in the mix in defense. After a six year (!) hiatus from the pitch, Chavern will be making his return and the 16 former Wildcats/Titans can't wait for his debut. Well, maybe that's just me anxious to see how many cards he will rack up. Another bruiser, if you will, Etienne will certainly solidify the physicality of a WMFC defense that already feature the likes of Jordan 'Eggrole' Gasparovic, Etan 'The Tan Man' Pasternak, and the previously mentioned Kufen and Renner.

In attack, Anthony Degerolamo makes his return after a season-long absence due to unrepentant homosexuality. Managing Director Bob Stinner said:

I don't know what we're going to get from him. He's always been a camping twat and he's been off for over a year doing nothing but playing Call of Duty so, we'll have to see what he can give us. I wouldn't be surprised if he ran to the top of the bleachers, planting an imaginary claymore on his way, and getting down on his stomach to pretend to snipe the Spetsnaz like he was in a Brazilian favela. Ahh, what a cunt.
Joining Degerolamo in attack, and also making his triumphant return to West Mifflin football, is the Ginger Prince, West Mifflin's own Flying Tomatoe, Trevor Kidd. Mr Kidd had a run with WMFC this winter in the RMU Indoor Soccer league at Neville Island. He netted a few and did pretty well for having not played soccer in over five years. He also displayed some of his more honed skills such as eating Subway just ten minutes before kickoff and getting sick, almost killing himself and two other passengers on the way to the game by driving like a maniac, listening to terrible, God awful music, and handling the ball before scoring.

Finally, Mr Wonderful, Chad Perry has agreed on a deal with WMFC that would only see him come into the first team as goalkeeper when WMFC number one Rob Vargo is unable to play. So, we expect to see a lot of Perry since Vargo often takes games off to celebrate events such as Memorial Day, Independence Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Arbor Day, World AIDS Day, Rosh Hashanah, Pi Day, the start of Ramadan, and National Bubba Day (it's real, Google it).

These are the new and returning players to the WMFC squad. They will join up with the regulars such as Pcholinski, Stinner, Reed, Vargo, and Lacock as the Blues fight for Championship East Division dominance.

17 February 2010

Home sweet home again???



The rumors going round are that West Mifflin Football Club Managing Director Bob Stinner is in direct talks with head janitors 420 Dave and Norm, as well as West Mifflin Soccer Club’s top representatives to bring WMFC back home to Titan Stadium. A permit must be submitted on behalf of WMFC by WMSC and a fee deal finalized by the Janitor’s Union in order for the Blues President and Supreme Ruler to put pen to paper on a deal.

There has been speculation over whether or not WMFC would return to the stadium since last season when WMFC winger Bob Stinner nearly had his ankle chopped off by the dirt divot trolls at Borland (the Blues’ current home pitch) in preseason training. Having already been denied once by the West Mifflin School Board, Stinner inquired again this winter and it appears that a breakthrough has been made.

Be sure to check back here, the home of West Mifflin Football Club to follow the negotiations as they unfold.