11 June 2014

Longtime manager (and founder, owner, President and CEO and Director of Football) Bob Stinner steps down; Tyler Turdly takes over

Manager Bob Stinner stepped down this past winter. This is an odd time to report on such a big change but never in WMFC's seven year existence as an independent club has the club experienced such upheaval. Gone is the general who led the club to three playoff appearances, one semi-final berth, and its only GPSL title. His replacement is Tyler Lacock, who recently (just now) had bestowed upon him the new nickname of Turdly because of its alliterative quality. Lacock (or The Cock as we call him behind his back) was part of the team that helped win WMFC its title and has coached some team that no one knows or cares anything about. Like his stature, his football experience is small (like three years or something.) His first move was to sell the team out to another club, essentially turning West Mifflin Football Club into a subsidiary of yet another boring and completely unoriginal tribute to the Steel City!!! Whoo hoo!!! We would not be surprised if the rumors of a kit change to mimic the Pittsburgh Steelers' shitty "black and gold" color scheme was in the works because by God, nothing that exists in Pittsburgh can do so independent of that lot on the north side. Anyway, other than his homoerotic obsession with the Steelers and Penn State, Lacock should prove to be a decent manager at worst. He is undoubtedly an intelligent guy, finishing in the top three (I think) of his high school class. With a brain spongy enough to complete an engineering degree with honors, he should be able to soak up enough information on tactics to make up for the technical deficiency. He's already led the team to its first win of his tenure. It took three tries but he's got it! The first one is always the hardest, Cock! We're a bit behind, so here are a few spark noted game reviews to get you all up to speed.

Game 1: May 18, 2014 - West Mifflin 1-2 DP United
The season kicked off with supporters in doubt over The Cock's coaching ability. Their fears were not allayed as the Blues fell 2-1 to DPU. Joe Super(man) scored a goal off of a cross from Justin Wilkinson. Pcholinski was caught picking his rear-end and sniffing his fingers.  Can't be arsed to look through texts any further back.

Game 2: June 1, 2014 - West Mifflin 1-2 Sporting Club of Pittsburgh Enosi
The Blues were beaten again. The Cock described it as a tough loss and said the winning goal came from a bad clear. If I had been in the press conference,  I would have pressed Mr Lacock to explain why the Blues were administering steroids of such questionable quality to its players. At least use the good shit you ass clowns!

Game 3: June 8, 2014 - West Mifflin 4-1 Internationals FC
A win! Yay! Wilkinson, Pcholinski, Own Goal, and Kenny, presumably before he was killed were all on the score sheet. Wilkinson scored from a free kick from The Cock. Pcholinski blasted one upper 90 (chyeah rieeeet), and Kenny scored after Stan and Cartman farted on the goalkeeper. A rabid dog then ran onto the field and mauled him to death. Oh, and Gauss returned!
 
So, there's your quick recap of the first three games of the season. We will try to keep up despite having a grotesquely reduced presence in the West Mifflin area. And with that we wish the Blues (for now) a belated good luck on the 2014 season.