West Mifflin wins hard-fought affair, 1-0

West Mifflin FC 1-0 Pittmandu FC

Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Pasternak, Kufen; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Hasson; Volk, Stinner

Subs: Lacock, Hruska, Lee, Cyr

1-0 Volk (60)

Pasternak - Yellow card (71)

As of late, WMFC has come under scrutiny that they’re unable to win close games. Strange criticism from the media considering the Blues have not been involved in any close games...stranger still because there is no media coverage of GPSL teams. If there was media coverage the papers would have had a field day with this one. Chance after chance went begging either wide right, wide left, or over the bar. It was also the first game in which Stinner and Matthew Alan were on the pitch at the same time after the public dispute between the two regarding Baguet's drunken absence from the Blues only loss so far this season. It was a little edgy at first as Baguet had been guzzling hick-jizz the night before and had stains on his jersey and trunks to prove it.

There was also some worry about numbers as the Blues were without Reed in the midfield, Nickel and Dalibor at the back, and lolllllol in attack…that’s pretty wack and Daveon is black. Give me a record deal now. On a side note, Degerolamo recently got engaged. Coincidentally, he went to Jared (Pcholinski) for the ring...it was a GRENADA pin. West Mifflin were expecting to have only 13 players but a few players passed last minute fitness tests and were able to play. Trevor Kidd was a different story, however - he just decided to not show up.

The first half was largely uneventful thanks, in part, to several poor refereeing decisions. The most egregious was on Stinner. Hasson made a run down the right side and Stinner instinctively made his way down the left, looking for the cross. It was clear as day that Hasson was out in front with the ball. On the other side of the field, Stinner was behind the last defender but still behind Hasson who looked for the cross. Hasson sent the ball in and by this point, several defenders had recovered. The ball bounced in front of the defender and found its way to Stinner who controlled masterfully. Just as he was lining up to put a shot on goal, the whistle went for...offsides!? It was a god awful decision but one GPSL players have come to expect. The only other real chance for West Mifflin came from a corner. After the ball bounced around the box for eight or so years, it landed, according to Kufen, six inches from the goal line. Legs flailed, arms swung around, goalies queefed. Despite all of that motion and force, none of them were able to put the ball into the net.

Later in the first half, a sign of things to cunt come, if you will. Stinner, recently subbed back on was readying himself in the box for what had to have been West Mifflin's sixth corner of the half. He turned to position himself for a rebound and was body checked by Pittmandu's lummox of a sweeper. Stinner turned and gave a quizzical look and asked, kindly 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' The ogre grunted, "you just did the same to me a second ago." To which Stinner replied, 'from the bench?' Frustration? Possibly. The objective observer would probably say that the guy was a cunt. This sort of frustration, eh no...cuntiness? eh, no not quite it either...cuntsration, yes, cuntstration seems a good word, carried over into the second half.

Halftime gave the boys a lift and they came out charged for the second half. They had several breaks in the first ten minutes resulting in several good chances. Finally, after yet another West Mifflin break down the right side, the Blues finally broke the deadlock. I don't remember how it got there exactly but Volk ran onto the ball after some ping-ponging in the box and shouldered it into the net. It wasn't pretty but it gave the Blues (ironically wearing white) the lead. After that the floodgate of chances was opened. Baguet, Lee, Volk, Gauss, Cyr, Pcholinski and Stinner ALL had chances in the second half. Stinner, Kutscher and Cyr played some nice triangle stuff along the touchline. Stinner knocked it to Kutscher who plopped it over for Cyr who played it to Stinner who chipped it back to Cyr...or something like that but there was good play like that throughout the second half.

Volk received a pass from Gasparovic (who's head seemed to still be on that backwards K in his last softball at bat throughout the game) between midfield and the 18 yard box. He had Stinner to his left and nothing but open field to his right. He turned and lasered a beautiful pass to Baguet on the right side who also had Daveon alongside him. Baguet hiccuped a semen bubble and missed the net. Another chance wasted. Daveon had two marvelous chances; one he tried to slide past the keeper nearside but it went wide and into the side panel for a goal kick and another in which a perfect cross was sent right to his head, perfectly placed only to see him pike it over the fence, down the hill and into Duquesne. There was debate about calling the miss a skybomb but the stat keepers relented and gave Lee a break. Personally, I wouldn't have.
That did it for the footballing side of things. I don't feel like rehashing the other team's chances. The only other item worth mentioning was Etan's yellow card. I wasn't able to see exactly what happened but it looked to me like Etan and the defender went for the ball, the ball wasn't there anymore, and Etan's studs went into the other player. I had a bad view of it so I will take closer observers’ word that it was a worthy yellow card. Etan accepted it and jogged back into position for the ensuing free kick. The player was fine and everyone was ready to continue to play. Suddenly, the cries began like alley cats whining for food. Every little nip or grazing was reason for the opposition to complain. It was ridiculous. Then, one of them executed the most horrendous dive I have ever seen. Cyr went into a challenge with his usual gusto. He got the ball and his shoulder got into the player. It was your typical football challenge. The turd was a foot taller than Cyr. He took the impact, noticed that he lost possession and then flailed his arms into the air, his feet curled up as he jumped into the air and stuck his chest out and flopped onto the ground, all while yelping "ahhh!". A free kick was given to Eva Peron for her performance. What made this all the worse is later on, Kutscher, who at times can be wild but by no means malicious, went into claim a 50/50 ball and clattered into another player. The ball was out of play and the forward was okay but Kutscher was down and shaken up. Some smart ass muttered 'you should be hurt after that'. What kind of a douche says something like that? I know what kind. A douche that is not good and not winning. With that, I end my match report.

West Mifflin moved back into first in the league table, albeit with two more games played than Sporting Club of Pittsburgh who hasn't lost yet and is currently in 3rd. West Mifflin's next game is Sunday at 2:00p at Borland against Wolfpack. See you then.