Vargo; Kutscher, Gasparovic, Kufen, Dalibor; Baguet, Gauss, Pcholinski, Reed; Volk, Stinner
Subs: Hruska, Lee, Degerolamo, Lacock, Nickel, Pasternak
1-0 Lee (27)
1-1 Some guy (39)
2-1 Stinner (54)
3-1 lolllllol (62)
4-1 Stinner (74)
* all times are made up
Some guy - Yellow Card (34)
Sometimes a player puts in a performance that is so skillful, so unbelievable, so...master class that it is damn near indescribable. The graceful display of marksmanship executed by none other than Bob Stinner this past weekend at Borland Park was one of those performances. If WMFC's Wikipedia page were still up it would most assuredly already have several paragraphs describing the performance.
Let us start at the beginning, though.
It was hot and humid at the arid Borland Park - the craters were particularly roaring and the grass was approaching half a foot in height. The game kicked off a little late due to a venue discrepancy but that didn't stop West Mifflin from putting the pressure on early. About five minutes in, Baguet played a lovely ball over the defense and into the path of Stinner who chased it towards the corner. His first touch was a low cross from his left foot. The cross was right in the middle of the box but no blue shirts were there to get a foot on it. West Mifflin enjoyed most of the ball in the opening half, knocking it around well and possessing it with aplomb. When they did lose the ball it seemed as though one of either Gauss or Bradaric was there to reclaim it.
Now, Gauss is known around the GPSL as having some of the best ball control skills in the league. However, it was when Gauss had received the ball on the right side when the entire park was shaken to its core. Everyone heard it. It was chilling. Small children in the crowd began to cry; dogs began to bark ravenously; fans went running to their cars; and Gauss temporarily lost control of the ball.
This is what the capacity crowd heard and after the recent spate of Sandpeople attacks in the area there was some concern. In actuality, it was Chris Reed shrieking for a cross:
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSS
What happened next is nothing short of hysterical. Gauss, who must have injected steroids into his right foot earlier in the day because all of his passes were hit six light-years too far, sent a cross over the area towards the touchline. Reed stammered backwards, trying desperately to get a head on it to send it back across the box. In his effort, the bulky winger dove backwards. Now, let me paint this picture for you: this man who is every ounce of 200 lbs, dove fucking backwards to try and head a ball somewhere near the goal. It was amazing. That giant lummox in the air and parallel with the sandpaper pitch was a sight to see. Eventually, he landed on his backside with a thud just before his head slammed into the ground. A shower of laughter ensued followed by a tremor that sent Manhattan cascading into mainland New York and central and southern Florida tearing from the panhandle. Oh yeah, the ball went right on out of play for a goal kick.
Around the 20th minute, Baguet sprung through the middle of the park with Degerolamo and Stinner on his flanks. He let fly a shot that challenged the keeper well, but a quick reaction sent the ball toward the touchline. Degerolamo tracked it down and found himself at a tight angle with Baguet and Stinner as wide open as Lake Winnibigoshish (Google it) in the middle. Instead of feeding one of them for the easy goal, he had to try to be an opportunistic snake (like he is in CoD) and shoot. The goalie had no trouble saving the feeble shot.
Seven minutes later, the Blues took the lead on Lee's second of the season. Baguet had the ball near the top of the area and had a triangle with Lee and Stinner. Stinner had been calling for the ball but I guess Matthew Alan thinks he's too good to pass him the ball. Finally, Stinner snapped "Come on!". Baguet gave a shitty and disgusted look and gave him the ball. Stinner gave it right back to Baguet who I think passed it up to Lee who dribbled around two defenders and unleashed the most unapologetic toe-ball of all time. The keeper didn't know what the hell to do as the ball rifled past him on the ground and into the net.
Twelve minutes later, Wolfpack equalized. Something, something, something...they got down the left side, crossed it in...Vargo had no chance annnnd...1-1. Also, Volk unleashed a skybomb over the fence and that was pretty much that for the first half.
For a team that has been criticized by the imaginary media as being a first half team only, the Blues came out with some serious panache in the second half; threatening the Wolfpack goal from the start. The half began with a perfect tap by Stinner and kept rolling from there. Volk smashed a header just wide on a day when nothing would fall for him. Gauss rocketed several shots towards goal and had two headers sail sharply around the posts. At one point, Stinner found himself on the right side all alone while the ball was on the opposite side of the pitch. He shouted for it as Bradaric juked a defender. He looked up and sent a perfect pass to Stinner's foot. Stinner controlled the ball as Volk cut across his defender. Stinner played him in with the outside of his right foot. Volk controlled and only had half a step of space to put a shot on and sent it wide. My explanation does not give the workings of that play justice. It was nice.
On 54 minutes, the deadlock was broken. How this goal was scored can be described in no other way than miraculous. To begin, Chris reed juked (an action that flies in the face of his girth) around a defender and spotted Stinner making an unabated run into the area. The ball soared so high into the air that its trajectory resembled the Arch of St. Louis. Stinner timed his jump perfectly and got his head (!) on the ball and sent it back across the keeper and into the side netting. The park was stunned. Stinner wheeled away in celebration but the only thing he could utter was 'Oh my God." There were cheers from on and off the pitch but they all carried an inquisitive tone because no one in the park thought Stinner knew it was legal to head the ball. Said Pcholinski:
When we have our one practice a year the dude doesn't head the ball. He'd rather jump up and flick his foot behind him and try to kick it than head it. I don't understand it.
The defeated Wolfpack defender muttered:
I watched the lanky shit warm up and every time a cross was sent in towards him the fucker would catch the ball and throw it back to the guy taking the kick! Bollocks!
The shock of the goal and how it came about was so great that Matthew Alan suffered a small stroke. He took himself off afterward and went to the locker room with the physio. We hope it isn't anything serious and that he’s good to go next week.
Like I mentioned at the start: indescribably magical. Even legends need to be subbed off every once in a while, so Stinner came off and Degerolamo went on. He would be the next to strike. Lacock, who had a solid game on the right side of midfield, barreled down the sideline, and after several challenges sent in a shot which the goalie parried right into the path of Degerolamo who netted his second of the 2010 campaign. This may or may not have been how this goal happened. I wasn't paying any attention when it went in. That made it 3-1.
Even though the Blues had surfeit more chances, they would only manage one more goal. A ball was played by a midfielder (Gauss? Pcholinski?) and found Stinner in stride and in alone on the keeper. Hruska and Lee were on his flank. Most of the Wolfpack defenders gave up on the play, thinking it was offside and no one knows what the hell the keeper was doing. He moved to the opposite side from which Stinner was attacking, raised his hands in the air and did a little jig dance. So dumbfounded was Stinner that instead of trying to send a pass across to Hruska or Lee and inevitably fucking everything up, he sent a side footed shot into the right corner, nearly clanging it off the post. He did well though and collected his brace.
So, a particularly boring match for the defense and Vargo. It's a shame that Vargo didn't get a clean sheet but the defense was stellar yet again. The team as a whole is playing very well. The victory on Sunday shot WMFC back to first place in the GPSL South with 19 points, albeit with two more games played than second place Sporting Club of Pittsburgh with 16 points.
Next week West Mifflin takes on Wexford FC at Borland Park at 12:00p. Hope to see you there!
Your writing is impeccable.
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