Seven-man Dynamo hold West Mifflin FC to draw

West Mifflin Football Club 1-1 Dynamo 412

0-1 Some Guy (60)*
1-1 Gasparovic (75)

Some Other Guy Yellow Card (18)
Kutscher Yellow Card (70)

*Times are made up. Times are always made up.

Not exactly what the squad expected after all of the new signings this summer but not a bitter disappointment either. The first game of the season can never carry too much weight when it comes to evaluation. For the most part it is a time for everyone to get acclimated to each other; where the right back likes to situate himself, which center-mid will play the role of attacker and which will be the more defensive, how well the wings and defense will work with each other in attack…and how they will communicate when retreating on defense. What may be a bit disappointing is the fact that Dynamo 412 showed up with only eight players…none of which was a real keeper. Then, after a brutal (and completely accidental) Hasson shoulder to the face, the visitors were reduced to a league-minimum-to-play seven players. One all was the final. How did this occur? Well, I think it would be fair to say that the lack of cohesiveness caused more damage than the four man (three really) advantage helped. West Mifflin was without winger Bob Stinner and defensemen Danzey (work) and Matt Sax (swine flu) so the Blues started like this:

Vargo; Dalibor, Nickel, Eton, Drewski; Matthew Alan, Reed, Pcholinski, Kutcher; Volk, Gasparovic

Bench:

Lacock, Lee, Stafura, Cyr, Hasson


(This is a new format for putting out the starting lineups. If you like it, let me know! and I’ll keep it. If you prefer the old vertical way, let me know! and I’ll go back to that. This format goes like this:
GK, Sweeper, Left back, Right back, Stopper; Left wing, Left-center mid, Right-center mid, Right wing; Striker, Striker)

What is strange is the fact that the opposing squad did not consist of cunts which is not typical of this league at all. Most teams consist of cunts and twatholes but this team seemed friendly and not cunty. One of them was an Arsenal fan which automatically makes him better than most people to begin with.

But I digress. A game which started off in an immensely sloppy manner for the Blues almost did not get started at all due to an administrative discrepancy. Something about a goddamn sticker. It should be noted that if there was a cunt on the field it was the center ref whose ego was inflated many million times over from the sensation of a penis, **er hem*** uhh, I mean, whistle in his mouth.

Pasternak was given a warning after knocking one of the opposition onto his arse, standing over him and inquiring, “what now, bitch?” After a stern warning from the manager, he ceased such behavior. Minutes later, the first Yellow of the match was given to a member of the Dynamo. What it was for I don’t remember. Probably some act of cuntiness. Anyway, WMFC started off very sloppily. Passes seemed to get where they were supposed to go but the game was not fluent and it had as much to do with the fact that they were shitty passes as the shitty pitch the game was played on. And, if the passing was bad, the shooting can only be described as ***vomit***. West Mifflin had several chances to score. A small sliver of nice play left Matthew Alan more wide open than the walls of the Grand Canyon but his strike was intercepted by an opposing foot and the ball was cleared. At about 10 minutes from time, Jared Pcholinski was on the receiving end of a beautiful cross-field pass (form whom I don’t recall) which he brought down nicely. Now, from my vantage, it seemed he had enough time to learn calculus (L. Maha), invent time travel, and then broker a peace deal between the Israelis and Palestinians, but the midfielder claimed that if he had take any more touches the defense would have been on him. The play ended with weak left footed shot that went out for a goal kick. Pcholinski had an industrious game though as he was everywhere on the pitch. Vargo had little to do at the back in the first half while the Dynamo 412 net was riddled with more shots than a Japanese bukkake.

At halftime some strategy was discussed and Baguet farted.

The second half is a blur in my memory. As Bob Stinner put it towards the end of the game: “It sucks when you’re hurt and can’t help the team.” I was also starving having had come directly from the 2009 Race for the Cure so I was busy spreading peanut butter onto my bread that I brought for most of the time. I was retrieving a ball that had gone over the fence behind the net (from an errant WMFC shot) when Dynamo put in the first goal of the game. I heard someone cheer as I made my way up the small hill. I wasn’t sure who had scored until I heard the keeper clap. That’s when I realized the goings-on were at WMFC’s defensive end of the pitch and that the Blues were down 0-1. From what I was told, the ball was not cleared and the striker was left with a free path to slot it into the corner. Whatever. The sloppiness of WMFC’s play continued in the second half. At one point, after an impossible 2-on-1 for the Dynamo rang off the post, WMFC had a very rare 10 on 5 opportunity with the two strikers left back at the other 18. The result? Horrible pass that landed out of bounds. The equalizer was not too far away though. I don’t remember exactly what happened but Gasparovic did very well to fend off a defender while latching onto a pass after making a diagonal run up the middle of the Dynamo box. He appeared to stumble, but not before poking the ball past the makeshift keeper and into the net to level it all at one. That would do it for the scoring and makes Gasparovic an easy winner for Man of the Match. Baguet came close with a header from a corner. Before the equalizer, Jared Pcholinski decided to be a huge douche and cleared the ball off of the goal line….Dynamo 412’s goal line. This denied WMFC an equalizer that could have helped them win the game. Drewski came close with a header that looked like it was on its way in until the mammoth “keeper” got his paws on it. He would later come off with an ankle sprain caused by the unbelievable shittiness of the Borland pitch. So, there you have it. The first match is much more disappointing that the opener last season but there is no doubt the squad is much more suited to handle adversity this year than last as the Blues surely would have surrendered a match winner last season.

Man of the Match: Jordan Gasparovic

Match action:


The boys take the field for the opening kick.



Defending a corner. Dalibor flexing and admiring his bicep.



The squad at the half.

...and that is where I stopped taking pictures.

West Mifflin’s next match is Sunday, May 17th at 10:00a at Borland Park and they will take on Wolfpack. Come out and support your team.