West Mifflin handled by Allegheny United at International Fields...no wait Deer Lakes High School...oh shit the stadium is locked...International Fields...wait the bridge is out, we have to drive to France to get to the International Fields for the game at 7:00pm...wait 6:00pm...just kidding! 7pm...fuck this guy

West Mifflin 2-6 Allegheny 


Vargo; Kutscher, Jeffrey, Pasternak, Wilkinson; Gauss, Pcholinski, Straw, Lacock; Stinner, James


Substitutes: Mike Hasson

0-1 Some Turd (12)
0-2 Some Other Turd (18)
1-2 James (49)
1-3 Some Guy (53)
2-3 Straw (57)
2-4 Fart Sound (68)
2-5 I hate the guy that manages this team (73)
2-6 He needs to get his shit in order (81)


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This game sucked of the highest form of sucktitude. I care not to rehash every single one of these unorganized, yappy little worms's goals. Instead, I'd like to rehash the events leading up to the game, which had to be re-scheduled eight times, only to have the time of the kick-off change three times in two days before the day of the game. But that's not all folks!! No, no! Not only did the time of the game change a thousand times within two days of the game, but the actual location of the game changed on the day of the game. About fifteen minutes before the game, to be accurate. As the boys filed into the parking lot of the Deer Lakes Lancers (Deer Lakes Deers sounds a lot better to me), it was evident that something was amiss. There were precious too few cars in the parking lot and a hipster-doofus type with sunglasses on walking around the grounds on a cellphone. "They locked the gates," the doofus said. Just wonderful. After Stinner did an unfruitful near-full perimeter check, it was decided that the game would be moved to the International Fields, as the doofus sent his lackeys to line the field...with blue paint. The Blues decided that it would be much easier to follow the doofus to the International Fields and so the journey began. Long story short, the dude got lost on the way to his own goddam field. There was a collapsed bridge involved and a 10 minute drive that turned into a 20 minute drive. Again: fuck this guy.

The International "Fields" was actually an International Field. An International Field that looked like an in-house international field lined by drunk and blind giraffes on roller skates.

It is now Thursday and I have lost all interest in writing about this game. The only good that came from the game were the two WMFC goals. Ark James placed a gorgeous shot across the keeper and into the net at the start of the second half to give the team some hope. Buuut, moments later Some Guy dribbled down between the entire WMFC defense and belted in Allegheny's third. Straw ripped one in from about 30 yards out only a few minutes later...only to watch Fart Sound repeat what Some Guy had done after James's goal. Later in the half, Straw looked like he took a dive in the area which fooled the ref (not hard, he was terrible). The mercurial mid-fielder stepped up to the spot and did his thang! The shot catapulted over the bar. After that, the Blues getting anything from the game was out of reach.

The Blues lost and the referees were abhorrent. The center ref was one of the worst we've ever had and the one side ref, although good natured and a nice guy, totally and completely blew an offsides call for Allegheny's first goal. West Mifflin played like shit and made their game against Century V the following evening much more interesting...