West Mifflin doubles up on DP...United

West Mifflin 2-0 DP United

Vargo; Pcholinski, Gasparovic, Pasternak, S. Hasson; Baguet, Straw, M. Hasson, Lacock; Lee, James


Substitutes: Stinner, Jeffrey, Gauss

1-0 James (14)
2-0 Matthew Alan (78)
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Just a few hours removed from shotgunning beers on the less-than-lush rock-bed of West Wood golf course with his boyz Danny C and Toner Boner 12, Matthew Alan headed in a second WMFC goal with around 12 minutes to play to ensure the Blues of victory and all three points. Despite annoying all living things within earshot by not shutting the fuck up (even in the face of repeated requests that quickly turned into stern demands), the little shit managed to avoid seeing yellow and strode about Titan Stadium with a grimace that seemed to indicate that at any moment the boulder-calved plonker would walk to the sidelines and release the contents of his stomach onto the ground like he did on New Year's Eve '09* in front of Buckheads Saloon, A.K.A. The Worst Social Establishment in the History of Nightlife on Earth.

Jordan Gasparovic made his 2012 debut, returning from his Mother's Day picnic last weekend, and played very well. With Winters still hurt** and Kutscher unable to shake a groin injury sustained in Week 1, the back four was was another mix and match. Captain Jared Pcholinski slotted in for Kutscher at sweeper while Sean Hasson started at stopper for the second week in a row. The former played 90 minutes at the back and was a defensive force that focused the defense. The latter (whose deft cross set up last week's game winner I failed to mention)...pulled a hamstring. But not before he put in a strong shift dictating play from just in front of the back three. Stinner ceded his starting spot to Lee because of a sore shoulder that could be problematic for the talisman.

The Blues started off sluggish, a phenomenon that veteran midfielder Steve Gauss noted was typical of the West Mifflin High School alums. Another cadre of individuals that started off sluggish were the referees who each suddenly forgot that the attacker has to be behind the last defender, not in front of them. Other things that the referees forgot included: what the Advantage Rule is and how it should be applied, physical contact does not necessarily = a foul or the converse of this rule that kicking the ball but then following through and shoving the tackle-e to the ground is a foul. That being said, the lads didn't do themselves any favors by incessantly (and in Matthew Alan's case, drunkedly) bitching and moaning and spouting off annoying (and in Matthew Alan's case, stupid, not-funny and non-sensical) little quips at the ref.

Despite the stupidity around him, Ark James managed to endear himself even more to the Blues faithful by scoring another gorgeous goal. I don't quite recall who played him through (I'm assuming it was Straw) but a long, angled ball sent the striker free in behind the defense. He collected the pass and calmly slotted it past the keeper to give the Blues the lead. Two games, two starts, two goals. So far a wonderful return. The goal was followed by series of terrible calls, one that saw the aforementioned James start a run even with a defender, drop back behind the defender, then run onto another through-ball and put it into the net only to have the play called back for a truly comical off-sides call. Moments later, Stinner missed a glorious chance to puncture the DP defense a second time. Having been played through between the two central defenders Stinner was one-on-one with the keeper. Caught between two minds the usually-lethal finisher fired the shot directly at the keeper who made the save. The ball bounced for a rebound but was cleared. As Stinner jockeyed with Some Guy for the ball, he slid in and got his foot to the ball and cleared it away from the opposition. He was then called for a foul. For what, exactly, no one knows. Afterwards, Stinner commented, "I should have gone short-side. But I didn't." Sean Hasson also had a strong header from the top of the box saved by the keeper.

The second-half was more strenuous for the home team. DP tightened the screws a bit by clogging both outlets and forcing the Blues to either grab themselves by their balls and defend or grab themselves by their ankles and bite their lips. The Blues defended and despite languishing a bit in the middle of the second, put in a strong effort. Pcholinski anchored well at the back and Pasternak, Gasparovic and Jeffrey, Sam did well to clear the ball on several occasions. Vargo*** should also be commended. Despite having relatively little to do, the big man had to make a handful of really good saves to keep DP from penetrating...the defense. The smartest man on the team had his bachelor party the night before and showed little ill-effect throughout. Except for having the game moved back eight hours. Seriously though, the Blues were under heavy pressure and were lucky that the United players couldn't seem to hit the target.

With the final whistle drawing nearer and DP probing and thrusting for the equalizer West Mifflin finally took advantage of the space allotted them and killed the game off. Matthew Alan's narration of how the goal developed differs almost entirely from nearly every other account. Speaking after the game, Baguet described it as such:

"Straw sent a ball over the top and I tracked it down with my blazing, Ark James-like speed. I'm probably about as fast as him ya know. I told the Manager I was as fast as he is and that I could prove it. I could also outrun him. I run marathons. And Tough Mudders. And 10Ks. Like all the time. Like every day. I even have a watch that tracks all my runs!!! Anyway, I took it to the end line, dropped it back to Daveon. He changed fields to Gauss and he sent in the cross which I soared through the air to meet and powered into the net!

However, that description doesn't coincide with descriptions given by other WMFC players. Steve Gauss, who now has two assists in two games (and who has really been outstanding on the wing) did send the cross in, but Baguet was far from speedy in getting there. Captain Jared Pcholinski said,

"He was really dragging down the sideline. I'm surprised he didn't hurl."

Gauss posited,

"Yeah, he was nearly crawling into the box. He looked really fatigued. Probably from all those beers. He was beat red too. He didn't look healthy. I had to delay my cross for five seconds for him to get into position."

Kutscher noted,

"Burgs, you stink like hops. Stale, old, moldy hops."

Finally, Stinner said,

"Turd."

 When Matthew Alan finally got into place, he dipped his drunken melon and put his Bud Light-lobster-red forehead onto the cross and past the keeper for West Mifflin's second. And that was that. The Blues soaked up the pressure while Baguet's liver soaked up the booze and when the final whistle went, West Mifflin were 2-0.

The Blues are off this weekend because of the Memorial Day holiday. The next game is  June 3 back at Titan Stadium against Stars Kickers United who are currently joint top and share the same goal differential with the Blues.


*EDITOR'S NOTE: He's also not at work today... 
**EDITOR'S NOTE: It was requested that we indicate that the Blues are currently 2-0 without Winters.