James the man again as Blues squeak into post-season

West Mifflin 1-0 Century V

Vargo; Kutscher, Pasternak, Gasparovic, Winters; Gauss, Straw, Pcholinski, Lacock; Stinner, James

Substitutes: Mike Hasson, Jeffrey, Wilkinson, Baguet 
Annoying Little Shits That Weren't Playing on the Bench: Baguet

1-0 James (76)
Some Guy-Yellow Card? (67)

___

After a nearly worthless performance the day before, the Blues' 2012 season was to be decided just under 24 hours later on an oppressively mucky Monday evening. The 2012 GPSL Championship Division season came down to a final regular season match between your beloved boys in blue and their rivals, Century V. All three meetings between the South Hills powerhouses have been prude Catholic School girl tight - with no team scoring more than one goal in any game. The Blues dropped a close affair last year on one of the most ridiculously lucky goals ever scored. In 2010, they let a 1-0 lead slip late on a set-piece dinker and had to settle for a point. With a playoff berth on the line all involved were prepping for another low-scoring battle - even Matthew Alan, who finally found time in his busy schedule of passing out at country music concerts and running "Tuff Mudders" six days a week and indignantly yammering to the heavens with cries of "Why!? Why!? Why are my knees hurting!?" The Blues faithful all knew why he was there though...to pick up his free jersey. Mooch.

Anyway, the game was a contentious one and early on at least, it looked like the Blues were going to find themselves on the back foot for most of it. Century played soundly, threading together passes up and down the pitch like a team that has had more than zero practices since May 2011. There appeared to be an added level of chippiness given this was the first match-up between the two teams that featured Jason Straw, who made the move up Curry Hollow Road from Century to West Mifflin over the summer. The Whites (heh) are known to be physical, oftentimes too much so, and interspersed between pretty passes were the usual kicks and shoves.

It's a shame that it needs to be brought up again this week but the center ref was absolutely abhorrent. Jason Straw got kicked up and down the pitch all night. Ark James had the back of his shirt pulled so many times I can't believe the thing still fits him. Someone on the sideline got walloped so hard that Cory Winters sacrificed a perfectly good free kick (one of the very few that were called)  so that he could blast into the back of the little shit that committed the offense.

The Blues were lucky Century raided Mike Hasson's boot closet because had they not, the final would almost surely have been 15-1. Chance after chance went begging for the South Park outfit. I can't remember all of the chances Century had, but there were plenty. West Mifflin weren't entirely innocent of blowing good opportunities. I do believe Mike Hasson had a S K Y B O M B and Stinner, having been put off slightly by the defender potentially getting a head to it, just couldn't aim up a perfect cross from James midway through the first half. Instead of thumping it home a la Bacary Sagna against the Tots, it plooped off of his neck and fell to the ground. On top of all of that the Century keeper, himself a rumored WMFC transfer target, had himself a decent game.

With about 15 minutes left, it happened. Either a midfielder or defender released the one pretty good guy (for Century) that has dark hair (you know who I mean) down the left flank. Whoever was playing right back for the Blues at that point got doinkered and the Century forward danced around him and was through on goal. I don't know how it happened exactly but he got a shot off but Vargo got down to it and stopped it. I can't recall if it went out of bounds for a throw or if West Mifflin actually worked the ball up the pitch but it came to Pcholinski (I think) who turned and found Straw, James and Stinner in front of him up against only two defenders. He played a ball to James who took it in stride and slotted the ball coolly into the corner of the net. After the game, Stinner recounted that he heard one of the United defenders mutter "Jesus Christ!" after James scored the goal and that made him joyous on the inside. And just like that the Blues turned a near 0-1 deficit into a 1-0 lead. It made for a nervy final 15 minutes or so, with both squads well aware that a draw would send Century through and the Blues packing but in the end it was James' 8th of the season that pushed West Mifflin back into the GPSL semi-finals.



The game has already happened as I publish this so no comical rally cry to try to get people to come to the game.

West Mifflin handled by Allegheny United at International Fields...no wait Deer Lakes High School...oh shit the stadium is locked...International Fields...wait the bridge is out, we have to drive to France to get to the International Fields for the game at 7:00pm...wait 6:00pm...just kidding! 7pm...fuck this guy

West Mifflin 2-6 Allegheny 


Vargo; Kutscher, Jeffrey, Pasternak, Wilkinson; Gauss, Pcholinski, Straw, Lacock; Stinner, James


Substitutes: Mike Hasson

0-1 Some Turd (12)
0-2 Some Other Turd (18)
1-2 James (49)
1-3 Some Guy (53)
2-3 Straw (57)
2-4 Fart Sound (68)
2-5 I hate the guy that manages this team (73)
2-6 He needs to get his shit in order (81)


___


This game sucked of the highest form of sucktitude. I care not to rehash every single one of these unorganized, yappy little worms's goals. Instead, I'd like to rehash the events leading up to the game, which had to be re-scheduled eight times, only to have the time of the kick-off change three times in two days before the day of the game. But that's not all folks!! No, no! Not only did the time of the game change a thousand times within two days of the game, but the actual location of the game changed on the day of the game. About fifteen minutes before the game, to be accurate. As the boys filed into the parking lot of the Deer Lakes Lancers (Deer Lakes Deers sounds a lot better to me), it was evident that something was amiss. There were precious too few cars in the parking lot and a hipster-doofus type with sunglasses on walking around the grounds on a cellphone. "They locked the gates," the doofus said. Just wonderful. After Stinner did an unfruitful near-full perimeter check, it was decided that the game would be moved to the International Fields, as the doofus sent his lackeys to line the field...with blue paint. The Blues decided that it would be much easier to follow the doofus to the International Fields and so the journey began. Long story short, the dude got lost on the way to his own goddam field. There was a collapsed bridge involved and a 10 minute drive that turned into a 20 minute drive. Again: fuck this guy.

The International "Fields" was actually an International Field. An International Field that looked like an in-house international field lined by drunk and blind giraffes on roller skates.

It is now Thursday and I have lost all interest in writing about this game. The only good that came from the game were the two WMFC goals. Ark James placed a gorgeous shot across the keeper and into the net at the start of the second half to give the team some hope. Buuut, moments later Some Guy dribbled down between the entire WMFC defense and belted in Allegheny's third. Straw ripped one in from about 30 yards out only a few minutes later...only to watch Fart Sound repeat what Some Guy had done after James's goal. Later in the half, Straw looked like he took a dive in the area which fooled the ref (not hard, he was terrible). The mercurial mid-fielder stepped up to the spot and did his thang! The shot catapulted over the bar. After that, the Blues getting anything from the game was out of reach.

The Blues lost and the referees were abhorrent. The center ref was one of the worst we've ever had and the one side ref, although good natured and a nice guy, totally and completely blew an offsides call for Allegheny's first goal. West Mifflin played like shit and made their game against Century V the following evening much more interesting...

Blues make it three on the trot

and

From the West Mifflin FC Supporters Club.

Blue boys will finally be Blue boys

After five seasons of being Blue in name only, the Blues That Wear White are now just the Blues. Marketing Manager, Tyler Lacock and Left Back Etan Pasternak spearheaded the campaign to find a sponsor to fund the jersey purchases, and now that they've arrived, the boys get to wear a darker, more heat-absorbing blue kit in the blistering heat for the remainder of the season. Thanks! But seriously, a huge thank you to those two guys for putting in the work for the new kits. Although we here at West Mifflin FC Online will miss calling the team "the Blues (that wear white)" and hashtagging (even though we've never actually Tweeted it) #COYBTWW, we all look forward to the much cleaner and simpler #COYB.

So, without further ado (or no more ado since you can probably see the picture while reading this sentence), below is a nice Tyler Lacock Hipster-Doofus Instagram photo that he insisted we use instead of the regular picture.* We would also like to thank Dr. Yram Groff who has become the unofficial team doctor of West Mifflin Football Club having treated Chris Reed's torn everything-CLs and Lacock's broken foot, for the support.

The Blues will be Blue this weekend for the first time. #COYB



*I'm serious. He begged me to use the Instagram hipster pic.

Perry makes outstanding goalkeeping debut but Blues fall 2-0 to top team that isn't really that good but had six teams of 11 on their bench

West Mifflin 0-2 Northern Steel

Perry: Kutscher, Pasternak, Jeffrey, Winters; M. Hasson, Pcholinski, Straw, Stinner, Gauss; Degerolamo

Substitutes: S. Hasson, Lacock

0-1 Some Guy (65)
0-2 Some Other Ass Clown (73)

___


Borland. It's grass dry even after rain. It's hardened cement always lurking beneath a soft, smushy facade. The combination lends itself to slips and falls. The Blues are typically used to such horrible playing conditions but on Sunday evening, they fell  victim to their own home field...and a bus load of substitutes. For the first time since the now defunct Wildcats team of the 90's, Borland Park's stands were actually filled with people. Unfortunately, many of the spectators were supporters of Northern Steel - a counterintuitive name since I don't know of much steel being produced in the oddly diametrical yuppy and hick north hills of Pittsburgh.* If that's even where Northern Steel is from.

The opposition came into the game atop the GPSL Championship Division standings. The Blues were wallowing in fifth or sixth. The game itself was pretty non-descript. In essence, Northern Steel is another slick-passing team that controls the ball well. They employ eight or nine strong possessers of the ball and then two or three head-banded goons for physical presence. They also run out a Scott Parker wannabe, whose hair looks to be receding but is parted to the side like a 1950's bomber pilot. But he was pretty good so that's not as funny as it could be. Anyway, the visitors doinked and dinked the ball around and, of course, the Blues were content with thumping the ball down the field - forcing Degerolamo, playing as the lone striker to run back and forth and allowing the Northerners to mount attack after attack. Manager Bob Stinner resorted to a 4-5-1 again to conserve energy in the mid-field and to try to stifle any momentum through the middle. It worked for most of the first half until the mid-field stopped pushing forward and allowed plenty of room for counters to build.

The one real bright spot without question was Chadwick Perry who finally slid on the gloves for the Blues. He was eventually beaten twice but were it not for him West Mifflin probably should have been embarrassed six or seven nil. His distribution was outstanding as well. Unfortunately, Perry had to watch in despair when his pinpoint outlet passes turned into picture perfect turnovers. Mike Hasson led the team with an 89.9% Accurate Inaccurate Pass Rating (IAPR**). Perry had two or three really nice diving stops in which the turd that took the shot had to have thought he scored. He (and WMFC) were aided by the cross-bar on a couple shots as well, but the new baby daddy needed no help when he charged and stopped a one-on-one with an outstretched foot. It's a shame the Blues couldn't do more for him. They came close however early on in the first half. Gauss played a glorious long-ball past two defenders and Anthony Watkinson ran onto it. I don't remember what happened but she didn't score. I mean he didn't score. Later in the half, Degerolamo was released on the left side. Stinner, who had been trying to shake off a week of crab legs, shrimp strained butter, cheesecake and saltwater taffy, could have had a wide open net if he ran forward. But he didn't. Instead, Degerolamo let a shot go. It was straight and accurate but right at the keeper. To be honest, if it weren't for Perry and the defense (again!), Watkins-Degerolamo probably would have been the Blues Man (Group) of the Match. West Mifflin finished out the half with a flurry of corners. Three were taken. Two were worthless, dandelion cutters. One reached the top of Gauss's head...but it was a smidgeon too high and flew out for a goal kick.

The Blues went into the break feeling relatively good about themselves. Despite giving up more chances in 45 minutes than they had the previous five games combined, the defenses had held and the game remained scoreless. Most everyone made fun of Hasson for giving the ball away a shit-ton, but most of the boys were happy with the scoreline. When the second half got underway, however, it was evident the Blues were in for it. Very similar to the second half of last year's final, West Mifflin were scrunched between the 18 and half-way between the box and midfield. A function of not being able to keep the ball and being in a mode of constant defense, West Mifflin huddled ten behind the ball and played the Bolton way. When the ball left their half it wasn't long before it found its way back. Strangely, West Mifflin were still in it when they took another blow. Sean Hasson went in hard on one central defender and ended up with a gash on the back of his head. The physio took him off and to Med Express where two staples were applied. We are at West Mifflin FC Online are happy to learn that he is doing okay and we hope he doesn't start designing buildings upside down or that look like enormous penile phallic symbols. Moments (or possibly many minutes) later, Degerolamo had another chance. A defender muffed clearance which allowed the striker to go one on one or something. He put a good shot on goal...or maybe he didn't. Maybe he dropped his pants and mooned the stands. I don't remember. The Blues didn't score though.

Anyway, now down to just one sub, there wasn't much chance. Perhaps this is an oversimplification but the numerical advantage showed. Facing a team of eight subs is difficult enough. Facing a disciplined, sharp-passing pack of cunthounds with only one sub on your own end is a considerably steeper task. And so the opening goal came from a slicing through-ball made it's way past a tired and jaded WMFC defense. Boom, bang...bang. Poor Chadwick had no chance. 1-0. About ten or 30 minutes later the visitors got their deserved cheap and undeserved second. Some little turd ball shot the ball really hard at Perry. He got his hands up and to it but it deflected into the air and bounced in to make it 2-0. Fuck. That's all one can say in a situation like that. It was really friggin' hot...again and the boys finished with one sub.

On a happier, more progressive note, West Mifflin FC finally semi-sorta live-Tweeted the game. Or, at least a picture of the Borland Park grounds and starting lineup before the game. A sign of new things to come!

The Blues have two tough games to close out the season this weekend. Sunday night at Allegheny and Monday evening against Century V. Don't bother coming out!



*There very well may have been many steel producing sites in the north hills. I don't know. Or care. 
 **IAPR is calculated by dividing the number of total passes by the number of passes that went straight to the other team.

Blues let in three early before King James brings them back

EDITOR'S NOTE: The regular Blues Reporter was off last week. Here is an edited version of Tyler Lacock's write-up.


Pcholinski; Gasparovic, Jeffrey, Kutscher, Winters; M. Hasson, S. Hasson, Gauss, Lacock; Degerolamo, James

Substitutes: Wilkinson, Pasternak, Lee

0-1 Some Guy (10)

0-2 Some Other Guy (20)

0-3 Some Other, Other Guy (35)

1-3 James (40)

2-3 Winters (55)

3-3 James (65)

4-3 James (88)

It was really effing humid - sticky humid. And the field looked like katrina went through. There were lots of branches and debris all over the field that Jared and Lacock cleaned up before the game. The other team was a man down...the entire game. Lacock fouled some guy around midfield with a flying karate kick to the rib cage going for a 50/50 ball. Some Guy scored on the ensuing free kick. One thing I do need to learn is that you do not put two fucking spaces after a period. I don't know where I picked up this stupid habit but it's definitely wrong and I am an ass-clown. Anyway, James stayed up the entire night before the game and still scored a hat trick. Jared went into goal after Kutscher gave up two quick goals. James scored his first on a through ball, another on a volley from the right wing on a cross from Hasson. Winters scored after some nice interlinking play. The Blues got the ball on a break somehow and ended up with a throw in. Daveon threw it in quickly to Lacock. He skipped past clumsily trudged past a guy and played it back to Daveon who beat a guy and played it square to Gauss, who swung it across the top of the 18 to Winters who fired home. James's final goal came after Stinner called from Ocean City and told Lacock to put the damn leading scorer in the game for the love of God. Yet another sound management decision by Manager Bob Stinner. He got the ball on the left wing, dribbled into the box but got bottled up. The lanky forward held the ball and dribbled around three or four guys and unleashed a shot into the left side of goal. The Blues had nicked the points. Pcholinski had a nice save to knock a shot away that was going upper 90 at one point in the second half. The refs didn't completely suck, but we're not sure the female linesman lineswoman knew what offsides was. She blew one clear cut call that saw Sean in on goal and a few others were very, very close. 

The Blues win two on the trot. The game Saturday at Allegheny is canceled so the Blues play Sunday at 6:00p against league leaders Northern Steel. Should be a humdinger. 

Blues come from behind to grab 2-1 victory

West Mifflin 2-1 FTM United

Vargo; Pcholinski, Gasparovic, Pasternak, Winters; Lacock, Gauss, Straw, Stinner, S. Hasson; Lee


Substitutes: Degerolamo, Jeffrey

0-1 Some Guy (28)
1-1 Winters (54)
Some Turd  Yellow Card (82)
2-1 Gauss (pen. 83)

As the sun slid behind the clouds high above Titan Stadium, an air of familiarity - almost deja vu like - wisped across the turf. Football is a funny game and there's no doubt the footie gods were having their fun Sunday evening. Not only were the Blues blessed (cursed?) with yet another horrible referee, not only did FTM United's players continue their turd behavior, not only did FTM become so frustrated that they were smacked with another yellow card, in addition to all of this the Blues defeated the northern gum-flappers on another late Steve Gauss, cool-as-you-like penalty.

West Mifflin lined up in a precautionary 4-5-1 given their meager numbers and available personnel. Whether that tactical change was the initiate or simply a contributing factor to the game being a complete crap-fest is up for debate. Regardless, Manager Bob Stinner felt that the move was warranted, citing the surplus of midfielders and dearth of defenders and strikers. The game was drab though. The Blues would work the ball into the attacking end and shoot, only to have the ball slowly roll (or furiously skyrocket) over the endline. The keeper or sweeper would then either launch the ensuing goalkick or clearance down the field. And so it went on, long ball after long ball after long ball back into the West Mifflin end of thezzZZzzZZzZZzzZzzzz...

In a deviation from last year's fixture, FTM struck first just before the half hour mark. The ball ping-ponged to Some Turd at about the 35 yard line. The turd glanced up and noticed that Vargo, who had been playing up the pitch to collect long ball after long ball after long bazzzZZZzzZZZZzzzzzz...was dangerously far off his line. He launched an effort toward the net. Vargo scrambled back but could not get there in time and the Route 1'ers had the lead. It's a real shame too because just before the goal was scored FTM's captain was overheard saying that they "only need one," indicating the northerner's intention to play like Stoke City or Bolton or Blackburn, or like, well, like northerners!

We shall dedicate this next paragraph to Stinner's blown chances. Shortly before the Blues conceded Stinner had his first chance to net his first of the season. Outside of a decent performance from their sweeper, FTM's defense left acres of space for the West Mifflin front line to operate. Sean Hasson found himself with the ball out on the right flank. Stinner found himself in space between two defenders that really didn't know what to do and motioned to Hasson for a cross. Hasson put the ball picture perfect, spot-on, right on Stinner's nugget...but Stinner managed to send the ball just over the bar. Later, Stinner received a pass from someone and turned to goal. Expecting to be confronted with defenders, the typically calm and cool striker found himself in a pornstar's gap worth of space, panicked and sent a dinker wide to the left. Finally, in the second half, with West Mifflin pushing for the equalizer Stinner fumbled a glorious chance. The Blues were rushing forward and had at least four or five moving forward in attack. Daveon was weaving through defenders with Stinner and Lacock just ahead to his left. Stinner started to make a run but hesitated for a split-second, fearing he would be flagged offside. Lee played a perfect through-ball but the split-second hesitation wrong-footed Stinner and as he decided to try and catch the pass with his weaker left foot, the ball flew past him and out for a goal kick.

The second half started with the Blues barreling down the pitch in wave after wave of attack and eleven minutes after the break the game was tied. FTM did have a couple good chances in both halves but no one gives a shit about them and Bada-bing bada-boom, Straw was running down the field with Winters next to him or something and somehow, Straw crossed it over to Winters who at full-stretch poked away his first of the season. The goal came amidst a deluge of abhorrent calls made by the center ref who was easily the worst ref West Mifflin has had in a long time. It seems like we mention that every week but this guy was special. Steve Gauss asked the ref during the pregame warmups if he was going to "let us play" or "call every little thing." The ref, dead serious and without the slightest hesitation as if what he was about to say was not lame, responded that he would "call every little thing." A ridiculous omen that we in earshot probably should have paid more attention to because this guy called the game like we were U-6. Even Lacock, who actually looks like he could be a U-6 player, excoriated the ref that he was having a howler.

With about seven minutes remaining, space folded on itself and time shifted as the exact same chain of events as last year's fixture played out like a VHS-tape that had just been rewound. Last year it was Degerolamo who drew a penalty. This year the ball was played into the FTM box and was bouncing around. Gasparovic had made a signature run into the area and leaped for the ball. An over-zealous FTM defender jumped with him and checked the stocky hard-man in midair. Now, whether or not the shove warranted a tumble, eh may be debatable. However, it was clearly a foul and our whistle-happy ref was more than giddy to point to the spot. Up stepped none other than Steve-A-Reno Gauss (after Stinner had to push him up to the spot to take the damn thing). After missing a penalty for the first time in his life in last year's semis, Gauss was looking for redemption. He ran up and cooly sent the keeper the wrong way and the Blues had the lead. Gauss then rotted away pointing to the number on the back of his shirt (?). That's a shit ton of confidence from a dude that never has any confidence. Also in a repeat of last year's game, some turd from the other team booted the ball into the stands out of frustration and was awarded a yellow card.

With just a few minutes remaining a shot was blasted over the bar and onto the track that encircles the field. After 10 seconds of asking the FTM bench to send out another ball, Vargo trotted back to retrieve the SKYBOMBed ball. The FTM bench  finally realized what was happening and offered the ball from the bench. At that point, Vargo was already halfway to the ball and the Blues told the bench to forget it. This prompted some completely non-sensical Orc-speak from one of the FTM players about Vargo licking his own ass or something. What? Oh, and the defense had an outstanding game. Seriously.


The Blues next match is this Sunday at 10:00a at the hallowed grounds of Borland Park. Bring your First Aid kits!