West Mifflin cruises to second win

West Mifflin FC 6-1 Universal Foothills

Vargo; Kutscher, Etan, Lee?, Winters; Hasson; Hasson; Pcholinski, Gauss, Baguet; Stinner


Substitutes: Reed, Lacock, Nickel, Klein, Degerolamo

1-0 Baguet (30)
2-0 Baguet (40)
3-0 Baguet (42)
4-0 Lacock (51)
5-0 Lacock (56)
5-1 Some Guy (64)
6-1 Vargo!!! (77)


Yellow Card  Degerolamo (58)


It was chilly at kickoff time at West Mifflin Area High School Sunday where WMFC took on a diminished Universal Foohills. Despite the visitors only having eight or nine to start the game, the Blues did not offer to play down two men. Fucking right. I have no idea how the first three goals were scored. I don't even remember what the starting lineup was. From where I was, they all looked the same - Baguet getting the ball out on the left flank and then just curling the ball into the net. Three times. The Blues were fortunate that the little man found his form because they squandered several really good chances before the first one hit the net.

Stinner found himself in front of goal - but off balance - and sent a shot five-hole, only to have it deflect off of the keeper's testicles and then safely into the keeper's hands. There were a few other chances where the Blues did their best Arsenal imitation where rather than have a shot, they decided to pass the ball around the six yard box and eventually out for a goal kick. Reed bellowed on several occasions to shoot the ball! (No, way! That's what you do?) At halftime, I asked the statistician about Reed's stat line. He handed me the stat sheet and this is what it read:

Passes attempted: 7
Passes completed: 1
Successful dribbles: -4
Unsuccessful dribbles: ∞
Shots: 0
Shots on Target: hahahaha

Other than that there really wasn't anything else that happened in the first half. Oh, wait, there was a corner kick that Stinner was lined up perfectly to get his head to. He squared it up and prepared to unleash a furious header that most likely would have bulleted into the top corner for his first of the season!!...but, at the last possible second, Pcholinski selfishly yammered for Stinner to leave it for him. Stinner did just that...and the ball plooped off of Pcholinski's saggy bicep and fell to the turf. The co-captain took a swing with his leg and the Blues watched with sadness as the ball clipped the side of Pcholinski's boot and careened out of danger. Typical. Opportunistic. Snake.

The second half was more lively. Tyler Lacock bagged a brace and Rob Vargo grabbed his first ever WMFC goal. For Lacock's first, Stinner was played through by Sean or Mike or someone and foundhimself one on one with the keeper. Glancing up, he saw Lacock gimpily trotting alongside him to his left. As the keeper drew closer, Stinner played a perfect little square ball into Lacock's path. He took about 13 more dribbles than necessary and then booted the ball into the net for his first. Later, Tyler found himself down the left side again, wide open. As he wound up the shot, the keeper came storming out. He let fly a howitzer that deflected off the keeper's hands, floated in the air and into the net. Congratulations Tyler. You're still a United supporting maggot gizzard cunny twat.

Moments later the shutout was broken. After almost falling asleep six times, Vargo asked to come out of the net. Tom Klein was kind enough to volunteer to step in. He did well for about 15 minutes...and then it happened.* On what had to have been only his second touch of the ball, Klein picked up a back pass in the box and Foothills were rewarded a free kick inside the area. However, the free kick was so terrible it didn't come close to going in and the Blues cleared it.

A little pipsqueak turdball beat two WMFC defenders in the corner, dribbled in and beat Klein nearside for that group of wiener-watcher's only goal of the game. Cool.

At this point, I am getting really sleepy because it's late and this game is already three days old and I haven't gotten this thing written yet. However, I need to describe Vargo's goal. To be blunt, it was fucking excellent. He got the ball out on the right side and curled it up into the opposite side netting to make it 6-1.

Some minor notes: Degerolamo got a yellow card but probably didn't deserve it and Reed was dragged for six yards by the back of his shirt, twisted a knee and shouted obscenities. He will probably be out a few weeks.

I apologize for the crappiness of this write-up. I am exhausted and must retire now.

EDIT: Oh yeah, Daveon had a S K Y B O M B!!!


The Blues play this Sunday at 6:00p at Century V in South Park. See you there!

*Several years ago WMFC employed a man named Dario. He wasn't very good. In WMFC's opening game that year, a game that they won 11-1, Dario gave up the only goal because he picked up a back pass somewhere around the six yard box. Ever since that day, Klein has brought up "Dario-Mario-and Luigi" almost on a weekly basis and used to often use the fact that WMFC, in it's infancy years, would employ players of this talent level as an excuse to not play. Saying things such as."man, you still got Dario-Mario and Luigi on that team? I ain't playing if you have that dude on the team."